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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 25, 2019 2:13:00 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Once her pants were off, she worked on his own, his lips still moving against hers as if afraid of what would happen if he stopped kissing her. Afraid of any unaccounted for second that could ruin the mood. Ruin this building moment. Once his pants were open he pulled them down as well, kicking them off when they passed his knee and hurriedly repositioning himself on top of her.
His breathing grew a little more laboured from the intensity of the kiss and their actions, having been deprived of it for so long. Being the one to deprive himself. Or them both. Not anymore. His hands moved over her body, feeling the curves of her sides, the softness of her skin. She still wore her bra and underwear and Erik's hands were already moving lower to remove the latter off so that he could touch her and . . . hoped it would take that desire to manifest itself in a more physical form.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 25, 2019 1:41:58 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Erik knew he was in trouble when Magda didn't reply. She wasn't ignoring but he knew her well enough to be very aware of the fact that she was not about to have this conversation via text. Which meant . . . they were going to have it at home. He was practically bracing himself for it, but also would simply prepare himself. Do a little, preemptive apologizing. Trying to focus on the task at hand, he aided a few of his coworkers so that they could fix the broken machine. The irony of it all. Because with one wave of his hand, he could have it working in even better condition than before.
But he couldn't even subtly do such a thing. It was too great a risk. Still. He was recognized for his great understand of metal and yet, they didn't even know the extent of it. Once it was fixed, he texted Magda to let her know he was on his way. But, not without making a quick stop at the flower store, making a bouquet of her favourite type of flowers. Then . . . he went to pick up his wife and daughter. When he saw them, he could see by her expression tone of voice. Getting out of his vehicle, he held out the flowers for her, kissing her on the cheek despite her . . . frustration at him. "Everything was fine," he assured her. "One of the machines was broken." After kissing Nina as well, they all got situated in the car so that they could go home.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 25, 2019 1:32:47 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION This was the first time in years that Erik slept. Actually slept. A peaceful slumber, untainted by nightmares or haunting images. Feeling completely at peace. Rested. Which was exactly how he awoke. The natural pull back into the conscious world, instead of a jolt or abrupt awakening from deeper pain and torment. He felt no such thing this morning. Knowing, that a great deal of it had to do with the woman against his body. The one he held in his arms.
The one . . . who also seemed to be awake. He just looked at her, thinking of last night. Of all that had happened. Of how they had reconnected. And . . . his powers. That was not far from his mind at all. And the conversation would have to come. But right now, he just wanted to enjoy these peaceful moments that had been too rare and few. "Good morning," he said, the words soft, and seemingly so simple. Yet, they weren't. It had been years since he'd greeted her this way after such an . . . active night. Yet, it came with ease. After so long, this came with such incredible ease.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 25, 2019 1:21:02 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Erik watched as she removed her shirt, his eyes lingering over the sight of her half unclad body. Her perfect body. One that had always been so irresistible. She moved back towards him, kissing him with the same heat that he had indicated he wanted -- and needed. He felt her hands go to his shirt and moved his arms up so that it could be taken off with ease. He kissed her with fervent desire as she settled on top of him, pressing her hips over his, teasing them both.
Ordinarily, it would not take a great deal to get him worked up; to arouse him. But with the way his mind had been . . . he needed more. Already hating that he did, for performing had never been a challenge Erik had been faced with. And he certainly would not be faced with it now. His hands wrapped around her and flipped them over, his body draped over hers as his lips kissed her with a growing urgency. His hands went to the fastening of her pants, starting to undo them as one hand pressed against the bed to keep himself braced up. He needed to be mindless with pleasure and need. To not think about anything but her and the sensation of being inside of her.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 25, 2019 1:11:59 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION He softly smiled at her words, feeling the exact same way. It had been beautiful. She was beautiful. Everything about this moment. The serenity of it. He let their positions linger for a few more moments, before feeling the exhaustion start to take over from their vigorous activities. Activities that they had not done for quite some time . . . and had already started to make up for.
Giving her another light kiss he turned to his side, finally pulling out of her, and moved one arm to wrap around her. Holding her close to him. He did not plan on leaving tonight; the thought had not even crossed his mind. Before, it had to be questioned. Uncertainty filling the air. But now . . . it was as if there wasn't a doubt in either of them. He loved seeing her smile. He loved feeling her next to him. He wanted her to be the first sight he lay his eyes upon when he woke up in the morning. He could feel his lids growing heavier, his body relaxing more and more. Perhaps they would feel it in the morning, but right now, he felt only serenity. For the first time, after a long time.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 25, 2019 0:12:13 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Just the way he was. How she could love him like this, he couldn't understand. But nor did he want to question it. He knew how strong Magda's heart was, and never doubted her love for him. Anyone who carried this burden along with him, and stayed . . . it took someone incredible. It took Magda, for Erik couldn't imagine anyone else being able to endure this. Being able to be this strong. It was not unnoticed by Erik, but he just lacked the ability to express it. Remaining in position, he watched her as she leaned in. His eyes belatedly closed into the light kiss, feeling her building it. Setting the steady, slow pace.
But, this was the first time he felt . . . something. Her kisses always seemed to have that effect on him. Now was no exception. As she slowly deepened it, he parted his lips to allow easier access. His hand went to her cheek, sliding to the back of her head in encouragement. And suddenly, just like that, it was too slow. He wanted the rush of emotions. He didn't want to overthink any of this. He wanted it to consume him: pleasure, desire, love. Everything.
Not even realizing it, his hand on the back of her head was pulling her closer and closer to him, silent encouragement to keep going. His other hand went to her waist, almost hesitantly touching the bottom of her shirt . . . instinct wanting to pull it off of her yet not yet doing so. His frame of mind in these past weeks making him too aware of every little thing. He needed her to make him forget. To make him think of nothing other than her touch, her body, her taste . . . everything about her.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 25, 2019 0:05:14 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION He forced his eyes to stay open, taking in her expression. The emotions behind it. Her moist eyes from the tears. Her unguarded expression. It mirrored his own, for he knew that in this moment . . . there were no barriers. As if the last year of their marriage had not been strained. As if, it was how it had always been between them. Openness. Honesty. Pure emotion. Wearing it freely upon his face, and letting it take control of his body with each slow movement. She had told him before that they would get through this, and he had so desperately wanted to believe her. He should have believed her. Because right now, he felt it. That no matter how strongly circumstance tried to pull them apart, they would always find their way back to each other.
His hand still remained on her leg, moving over it in a gentle caress. His eyes heavily lidded as he just gazed deeply into her own eyes. His breathing growing heavier, quiet breathy groans of pleasure and building need. Feeling her breath against him, as if she was breathing life back into him. Warming his entire being. He had not even noticed that in the midst of this, that the metal around them was not shaking or clattering. It was not making loud noises or abruptly moving. Instead, the smaller items were rising in the air. As if to mirror the peace . . . the serenity he felt in this moment. Somehow he could feel it around him, that connection that he with metal. The way he could sense it. But . . . it was all secondary. For right now, he was completely consumed with her and only her. Enough to not even glance around the room, not wanting to break the eye contact for even a moment.
Her words were enough to finish him off, his thrusts ever so slightly quickening in the final moments before spilling himself deep inside of her, met with a quiet sound of pleasure in the completion of his euphoric peak. The moment he reached it, his shoulders relaxed over her, taking in her face as she orgasmed for the third time tonight. Finishing the moment by pressing his lips against hers in a gentle, but deep kiss. Hardly aware of how each item that rose in the air, gently landed back in its place. Ending the kiss but keeping his lips on hers, he spoke against them. "I love you." Words he had not said in a long time. Too long.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 18:47:41 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION When Pyro hadn't shown up for patrol, Erik knew something was wrong. If there was one thing he would not fault the mutant on, it was fulfilling his duty. Showing up when expected. Most of the time. It had taken training, but he learned. When Lorna didn't know where he was either, Magneto said he would take care of it . . . and it only took a few areas of searching until he found him. Seeing him on the ground, Erik approached him, fingers going to his neck to check if he was alive. He felt relieved when the pulse was strong. The last thing they needed was for a someone to be murdering their people in a place that should be safe. He was about to stand up to get him some help, when the door swung open and in came Nina, rushing towards him.
Erik just watched her, slightly confused as to why her immediate thought was that he killed him. What possible incentive would he have to -- "He was supposed to wait for me to tell you about the baby! I wanted to tell you myself!" That was when his own question was answered. The words frozen in his mind as his body stilled. The baby. The baby?! Erik's expression shifted as he just stared at his daughter. She seemed to realize his lack of knowledge in this area as he told her that he was unconscious when he found him. And . . . the truth had just spilled. She watched her, eyes locked onto her as she stammered to a stand, looking at him, and then finally bluntly stating the words that she had said in a panic earlier. "I'm pregnant." Magneto felt as if he was finding out about another one of his children. That familiar shock, surprise and . . . array of emotions that coursed through him. And just like always, he fell silent.
Processing the information. His daughter, his baby . . . was having a baby. He didn't even need to ask who the father was because she had made it abundantly clear. And, it somehow only made Erik more unsettled to know that . . . wait, were they together? Was it serious? Had Pyro been hiding this from him? Had his daughter been hiding this? She was pregnant but . . . since when? His mind went back to when she had been unwell. But, that was months ago. Months. "How long?" Was all he managed to get out. How long had she known she was pregnant? His words and demeanour composed, stoic. Eerily so. For it was when he was all too calm, that those who knew him well, were aware that it wasn't necessarily a good thing.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 18:28:43 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Nightmares were not uncommon for Erik, but it had been a while since he'd had one. Certainly not when he had been with Magda. As he often recognized, her presence had a calming effect on him. A peace that her company granted him. One he always felt impossible to obtain. But the true extent of it would not be felt until Shaw was dead. And that, was what plagued his mind tonight. Memories of the camps. Of being so helpless as the bullet shot through the air. A bullet that he should have been able to stop. A bullet that senselessly killed his mother. And the torture that ensued after that. He could still feel the waves of the pain that shot through his body.
The screams. The sounds of others screaming as he lay on the table, only imagining the worst, knowing there were no limits to the cruelty of the soldiers at the camps. And too many of them thrived. Too many lived without being accountable for their actions. His mind remembered the faces of all those that were brought into the room. The mockery. The enjoyment found in their power over others. In torturing others. Erik felt his breath shorten, his hand slightly raising of its own mind. Things around the room starting to shake. The furniture, the contents upon the dresser, the hangers in the closet. Everything. His words of pleading to not do it anymore; something else he despised. That at one point, he had pleaded with them to stop. How many others had begged?
Only to be met with laughter. Yet there was a sudden voice that seemed to be pulling him out. A warmth that washed over him. Touches upon his skin. It took but a few additional moments for his hand to lower, for the pain to stop surging through his body -- even if it was only psychologically. His eyes shot open with a gasp, as if the wind had been knocked out of him from the magnitude of the nightmare. But it didn't take long to see -- and feel -- Magda there. Comforting him. Reassuring him. It was the only thing that prevented him from shooting up in shock. From items flying about around him.
No. This time he had woken up far more . . . calmly then before. If such a word could even be used. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to breathe back the trauma. His arms moved around her, holding her close to him. Holding onto that peace that she always gave him. Basking in each touch she offered to lull him from sleep. To bring him back to this conscious world and remind him . . . that they were not in the camps. That they were safe. That they were together. And it was all he could hold onto right now. She was all he could hold on to.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 17:50:14 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Yes. It did seem rather unfair. He should have known better than to get too attached. Too . . . emotionally invested, aware of what he was doing and the impossibility to compromise his mission. Yet, Magda seemed to be the exception to a great deal. Her presence granting him a calm he'd not had since before his family was taken. His silence, held agreement to her words . . . for he too did not want to part from her. Especially since he wasn't even certain if he would see her again. Just as he had never been sure if he would see her after the camps. After he'd watched her escape. Then, she directly asked him. What he did. He had created that opening and knew that he could not evade the question anymore.
She had been incredibly patient and understanding of his lacking desire to talk about it, and had not pressed about his work in the days they spent together. But now . . . he needed to be honest. She was perhaps the only one he could be completely honest about when it came to his life's mission. For she had been there. She had seen it. He took a slow breath, remaining composed, despite the sudden unfamiliarity of vocalizing it to someone. To anyone, which he had never done before.
She had been the first person he had ever told of his abilities; that he had ever had the choice of telling. And now, she would be the first he told his mission to. Out of desire. "I'm looking for the man who killed my mother." The words so . . . casually spoken, yet holding a great weight to them. For Magda would know that it was linked to the camp. And, if she knew him well enough . . . would know that by 'looking', he really meant 'hunting'. Because Erik had every intention of killing him.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 17:41:43 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Erik had never seen Nina so excited. She was surrounded by friends, those she could communicate, and Erik absolutely loved seeing his daughter's powers bring her such joy. The trip to the zoo had been unplanned. They went into the city to pick up some things, and one sign had sealed the deal. It only took Nina asking a couple of times for him to give in. Which, wasn't uncommon. He would quite literally do anything for his daughter and nearly found it impossible to say no. A trait that would be dangerous when she got older especially. But, he never thought anything bad or negative of it. So a few errands, had turned into a trip to the zoo.
Exploring the different kinds of animals, having lunch, treats and just . . . spending the day together in this way. Hearing her talk and talk about what the animals were thinking, and the way they naturally came to her -- which pleasantly surprised the workers, saying how much they loved her. It filled Erik with pride, knowing his daughter naturally drew others to her, powers or no powers. They had seen most of it, when Erik got a call from his work. There was apparently an emergency at their work site and they needed help cleaning it up. Nina seemed content to leave, though perhaps it was due to Erik's promise that they would come back. Since he hadn't heard from Magda, he let her know that he would be dropping Nina at the friend's house she was visiting, and return later to get them both.
Stopping by, and saying a quick hello to the unwell friend, Erik told Magda he would just be a little while before picking him up. Once he got to the site, that was when he received the text. He knew his wife well enough to know she was . . . displeased. Her tone. The way she said it. And, the fact that he knew she would have wanted to be there. Nina's first trip to the zoo. He looked at his phone, his mind already working with how he would need to make this up to her. Moments like this, proved Magda right whenever she said that Nina had him wrapped around her finger. It was unplanned, and she really wanted to go, he quickly tried to justify. But I promised her we would go again. And the next time, he wouldn't go without Magda. He doubted he would be able to get out of her displeasure over two missed trips compared to this one.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 17:28:11 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Don't stop. Make it last. It was all the verbal encouragement he needed to keep going. To know that she didn't want this to end. While the last time they had made love a week ago, he could only hope things would get better after that. This time, he knew they would. Tonight felt different. Tonight, marked the regaining of their lives to be who they once were. And he wanted to remember every moment of it. He wanted it to last, for as long as they could let it.
Kissing his way back up to align his face with hers, he looked down at her, soft longing, affection, love. Lightly kissing her lips, he broke the contact, though did not move too far. His forehead pressed against hers as he felt himself awaken, already inside of her. With a heavy exhalation of breath he thrust his hips upward in a long, drawn out motion. The edge of desperation was taking off from the last couple of rounds and this time . . . he wanted to take it slow. Just as she had said. He breathed against her, hardly an inch separating their lips, as he slowly pushed deeper into her. One hand fell to her leg, sliding under her one of her thighs, moving with each lingering push of his hips.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 4:33:44 GMT
Day 23
5,874 words
TOTAL: 40,013
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 4:33:04 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION He felt the tear fall on his skin, and while he knew he'd been the cause of many of them . . . at least in his case, it wasn't towards the cause of being hurt. He could only hope, it was because of more positive emotions. Any words were silenced by her kissing him, but her words rung in his mind. He always made her feel beautiful. He wished that were the case, for he knew he hadn't done as such in recent months. In the past year. It was something he should make her feel every day, whether it was through verbal or physical ways. But tonight, he would make up for that. He didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but tonight . . . he wanted to make her feel beautiful.
He swiftly turned them over so that he was on top of her, his lips continuing to kiss her, taste her. Parting them only to kiss her chin, and down the front of her neck. Eager to touch her flawless body whether it be with his mouth or hands. The actions though, slowed. Taking his time to re-explore her while fully noticing that he was still inside of her. "I can't stop," he told her between each kiss. After so long of being deprived of her touch -- a fault entirely of his own -- he felt as if a floodgate had been opened and he couldn't close it. Whatever barriers had previously existed, no longer present. So his words, while meant as almost a tease, held truth.
He couldn't stop kissing her. He couldn't stop touching her. He rested his forehead against her upper chest, his own heaving from their vigorous actions, not having engaged in such . . . intensity for quite some time. But he was still trying to slow himself. Still soaking in the moment and memorizing every detail of it. Committing it to memory and hoping for many more. Despite hope being such a dangerous thing to have . . . he couldn't help but feel it. The first glimpse of it having been a week ago and now, a whole new extent of it with the realization that his powers were returning. The latter thought threatening to excite him as he tried to still himself, and just rest against her body; in her body.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 4:14:40 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Erik wanted that too. Of course he did. How could he not want to be with his wife? How could he not want to make love to her? For even in this current state of mind, he could pick up on the implications of her words. He wanted to feel . . . alive. And perhaps, this would allow him to be. To regain some semblance of a life to be shared with his wife. For the effects of to translate over to his daughter and being a good father to her. So yes, he wanted it and wanted to be what a husband should tonight. Where he had failed in the role before, he did not wish to do so now. He silently moved with her, saying nothing as they crossed the study to go upstairs.
How long it had been since he touched her. Since they undressed one another. Since they joined their bodies. There was anticipation building within him, but not in the same way it once had. He supposed, nothing was the same as it had been before. As they moved towards the room, Erik briefly glanced at the door to Nina's bedroom before making his way with Magda into theirs. She closed the door behind them and Erik just turned to look at her.
Ordinarily, he would not waste a moment, unless in teasing. He would carry her to the bed, or shed themselves of clothing on the way there. He would hear her laugh, before the air filled with sounds of their need and pleasure. But now, that same zeal was lacking. He sat on the edge of the bed, his mind overthinking each step. Each move he made, and each one she did. Surely, this wasn't how it was supposed to be. But he knew that right now, he was relying on Magda to lead the way . . . and he could most certainly finish.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 4:04:54 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION The way she said his name as they both simply stood and let the pleasure consume them . . . just added to the moment. Added to what felt like the perfection of it. That word had not crossed Erik's mind since . . . well, since before he had been taken. Anything close to it had felt like it was an impossibility. Until tonight. For he was determined to find that happiness and perfect lifestyle they once had. He kissed her back, slow, passionate, letting the emotions pour into the embrace as his hands moved, arms wrapping around her and pulling her from the door, towards the bed.
Taking those few steps towards it, he moved to sit on the edge, with her in his lap. Not having appreciated her body enough, he finally took the opportunity to take in the sight of her, lowering his head a little to kiss her upper chest, tasting her skin as his hands spanned over her back. The actions slow, enjoying taking his time in these moments after their third round. His lips moved along her collarbone, trailing a path of kisses up the front of her neck before he shifted back onto the bed, taking her with him so that he was lying on it, and her on top of him. His hands remained on her back, moving over her soft skin, down to her cheeks, and back up again.
Touching as much of her as he could, and gazing up at her from this angle. Unable to keep his hands, or lips off of her for long, he kissed her again, and again, moving them back to her ear as he once had when they were standing. "You are so beautiful." He needed her to know that, because he knew his actions in the past had failed in showing just how beautiful and desirable she truly was, and always would be. But at the risk of saying too much, he occupied his lips once more, continuing to kiss along the side of her neck where he could reach.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 3:44:09 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION He wanted to find comfort in her words, in her touch. Perhaps deep down, he knew it was there. But at this moment, he felt only the loss of himself. The stripping of his identity. He wanted so desperately to believe her that time would heal this. He was coming to terms that his powers would not return, but could time truly heal the wounds that it left him with? The scars? He swallowed, not wanting to argue. Not wanting to tell her that he couldn't accept this . . . that he was struggling to accept this. His burden was his presence. He didn't want to dump more of his troubles on her. The details of what had happened inside that facility, and what he truly felt that left his heart broken. Defeated.
That she told him she would never walk away from him, but could she truly live with him like this? He knew what he was doing and as he said, he couldn't stop himself. He didn't know how. He glanced at her, though wasn't able to hold eye contact for long. All he could do was give a slight nod, feeling drained from the snippets of the inner workings of his mind. Dumping them on her, and continuing to despise himself for not being able to seek comfort from her words. For her touch to not be enough to get him through each night, and each day. "I'm sorry." Was all he could say. Genuine words, but not nearly enough. He was sorry for yelling, and for not being the husband she deserved, nor the father than Nina deserved. "I should . . . " Get to bed. Though he had spent more and more nights on the couch. "It's been a long day." For both of them.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 3:01:16 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Everything about her felt incredible. The sensation of every part of her. How had he gone so long without her touch? Without her body? Without . . . her. He never wanted to go without her again. Hearing that she was close was a relief for he was too. And reach that height together made everything stronger. "Yes," he groaned against her skin; the only word he could get out right now to tell her that he too was close.
With one hand still against the door, his other fell to her hand that gripped the knob, engulfing her smaller hand under his as he held it. His thrusts becoming faster, harder, deeper. Breathy grunts of pleasure mixed with need to find his release escaping him before muffled by another kiss as he pressed his lips against it. He cock jerked inside of her until he gave those final few thrusts that sent him over the edge, tugging at her lip as he came deep inside of her, no other thought on his mind as the wave of euphoria washed over him. His shoulders relaxed, as did his hand on the door and the one on her hand, still not pulling out of her. Still keeping himself braced up so he could just bask in the glorious aftermath of what had now been their third time this night.
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 2:26:33 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION Her sounds of pleasure were sweet music to his ear. A sound he had missed, without realizing how much. Just like all of this. The encouragement, the desire to keep hearing them fill the otherwise silent air. Her hands roamed over him and he loved the softness of her touch, the way it left a trail of warmth upon his skin that ignited him inside. As she lifted her leg, opening her up to him more, he didn't waste anymore time. Especially with her words telling him what she needed. He pulled his hand out from where it toyed with her and moved it instead to her leg that had lifted a little to wrap around him.
With one swift push, he entered her, the action causing him to let out a breathy groan of pleasure. The heat of her core, the warmth that engulfed him. The feeling of . . . completion, as their bodies were now one. Pausing for only a moment, he pushed forward again. And again. The action of pounding into her causing the door to lightly thud, this time, not due to any of his powers but their positions. He moved his hand out, palm pressed against the door next to her to keep it from making any sound. Once again, without the use of his powers but rather, just natural strength. For even in the back of his mind, thoughts of waking Nina from the thudding prompted his actions to prevent that from happening.
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Magneto
"We are the future."
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Mutant
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The Brotherhood
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euphoria
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Tag me @magneto
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Nov 24, 2019 2:12:10 GMT
Peace WAS NEVER AN OPTION A monster. That was what he had always believed Shaw created him to be, until he learned the science behind it. The reasons. And, the fact that he hadn't been the only one. Yet, none of that seemed to matter anymore. He knew he should find peace and comfort in her words but all that was left was the bitter emptiness of . . . nothingness. Of once again, losing his identity. Of losing that purpose. Which, he knew full well should be his wife and daughter. The conflict just made him more distressed and frustrated with himself. Truly having felt like he lost a piece of who he was. Everything he had worked towards, so much that defined him . . . ripped away.
"And what am I supposed to say to her?" He asked, somewhat rhetorically. The words more filled with more hurt than anger. "I can't even look at her." Because, he felt ashamed. Worthless. He could feel the tears forming in his eyes, trying to fight them back. "I can't even look at . . ." You. The unfinished word implied, spoken as a defeated breath . . . and this time, he could not stop that tear from falling from his eyes. But she wanted him to talk to her, she wanted him to be honest . . . he owed her that. No matter how hard the words were to say, or hear. "I have never felt so worthless in my entire life." Not when he was lying on the table while Shaw did his tests. Not, ever. Until now.
"And I hate that I do because I know I have a wife, and daughter." Recognizing those roles yet unable to stop the pain. The emptiness. When, he should feel fulfilled by their love, as Magda had said. And it only intensified his feelings of self loathing and hatred. He shook his head a little, as if that was all the had the strength to get out right now, looking away from Magda, and forcing back any more tears. "Part of me wishes you would accept it. So that I don't burden you or Nina." With this . . . pain. With this state he was in. He knew it was a strain on his family, and that he was doing far more harm than good.
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