Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 19, 2014 21:04:28 GMT
Magda walked out of the washing room that was built inside her bedroom, and fell on to the bed. Her eyes where looking up at the room's roof but her mind saw nothing. In was in these moments alone that trying strong was harder then ever. The moments of weakness coming from doubt, and fear. It was happening again. So very many years later, and she was right back there in the days that were the hardest of her life.
History was going to repeat it's self, and Magda feared she knew the out come.
She was pregnant. And just like last time, she was afraid tot ell Erik. She had even managed to keep it from him for a few weeks now, making sure to always leave his bed before he awoke, and return to her own rooms. Her belly would soon begin to grow, which meant her time was limited when it came to deciding what she needed to do.
Tell him? And risk him once again deciding he could not be a father, and asking her to leave, again. Feeling the heartbreak of once again loosing him, and knowing it was because he did not wish fatherhood. It had happened before, when the stakes were not so high. Why would it be any different now?
Not tell him, and leave? Rise a child alone, out there were humans were a danger to her and her child? Leave Erik before he could ask her too?
Either way, she knew she could not bare the loss of another baby. Turning to her side, facing away from the door, Magda looked at her arm, letting her fingers trail over Ania's name. History could not repeat. Or she'd not survive it this time.
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Magneto
"We are the future."
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 19, 2014 22:19:42 GMT
Magneto could no longer keep his thoughts strictly in his mind. He had been holding them back, refraining from saying anything but the uncertainty was getting to be too much. He was a man who planned things; who needed a strategy. Who considered very contingency. And if there was truth to this possibility, then he would need to start accepting it, and handling it. This unknown state of limbo was unsettling. Though he was unsure if the truth would provide any relief either. The first time that Magda had been with child, had caught Erik completely off guard. He, for some foolish reason, had not even considered the possibility during all of their amorous activities. This time, they were better prepared, knowing that it could happen. But even still, it seemed that not every precaution necessarily guaranteed an absence of pregnancy.
Throughout the past few weeks, he had been waiting for Magda to say something. To suggest something. To put out the possibility that she was expecting. The signs were growing more apparent. She had not been feeling well being the main one. He was able to eventually connect it to the last time she had been pregnant. He had assumed it was a sickness that consumed her, but this time, he would not be so naive. If anything, he merely wanted to eliminate it as a possible situation. Making his way to her room, he knocked on the door before entering. The knock serving as a means to not surprise her or scare her. Upon entering her room, he closed the door behind him and saw that she was lying on the bed. She looked slightly pale and weak. "Are you well?" He asked. He asked out of genuine concern, but also as an opening for her to mention anything; to tell him if anything was confirmed.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 20, 2014 1:37:06 GMT
At the sound of a knock at her door, her fingers quickly fell from her arm, no longer tracing the name of the daughter she lost--they'd lost. "Erik," Magda smiled in greeting, sliding over to the edge and pulling her skirt down so it dind't ride up. "I am well. Perhaps just a little tired." Adding that on because she knew she couldn't look completely glowing.
A child was something that should be a wonderful thing, and one she had often dreamed over the years before Erik found her again. Yet now she didn't feel wonderful. There was only one thing she knew for sure, and that was she'd protect this life better then Ania. Violently if need be. "Were you looking for me? I thought I would not see you until tonight." When one of them often sought out the other.
Even with often, she still shared no room. In a way making things less spoken between them then their youth. Erik felt something for her, this she knew, but as with last time she fear it would not be enough. That he would always put the mission before everything.
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Magneto
"We are the future."
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 20, 2014 4:29:59 GMT
She said that she was well, but Erik wasn't sure that he believed her. Not that he thought she was blatantly lying either. She also said that she was tired, which continued to go along with the other symptoms for the condition he was suspecting her of having. "I needed to speak with you," he told her. He moved toward the bed, standing near it for a moment before sitting down on the edge of it. He truly hoped that he was wrong about this. That she would tell him that she did not share the same suspicions. Or that she had already tested herself and it was negative. Having a child was . . . well, it was not something he anticipated nor was prepared for. Especially with this lifestyle. And that had not changed since Shaw. In fact, things were more intense now for him than they were with Shaw. Then, he had only been hunting one man. Now, he was fighting a war.
"Is there something you wish to tell me, Magda?" He asked. There was a certain tone of expectancy in his voice. He was giving her this one last chance of telling him. Whether it was telling him that she may be with child, or telling him that it was nothing. He wanted the honest answer. No more of this, pretending. He could understand her reasons for not saying anything -- considering how their conversations about an upcoming child had been in the past. But right now, he needed to know. He needed to be faced with the truth so he could start accepting it, and dealing with it.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 20, 2014 4:56:56 GMT
"I needed to speak with you," Erik moved closer and even hesitated? before he sat down on the bed beside her. Magda turned her body to face him, and his next words caused her to pause this time, and hesitate. "Is there something you wish to tell me, Magda?" Turning back to sit how she was, Magda drew her knees up under her, while looking at the floor.
She was temped to tell him 'there was nothing she wished to tell him' which was true, because she wasn't even sure if she had been planning to tell him. There was also a temptation to ask him what he was asking her to say, trying to see what he knew, and not expose herself if he didn't know. Yet Magda knew better, and would not play such games with him.
Standing, she moved to the end of the bed, and rested her shoulder on the pole while watching him. Standing helped her feel stronger. Erik, I'm pregnant. Are you mad? Not at you. I'm frightened, Erik. I just wanted you to hold me and you can't even touch me! This is not a life for a child to be brought into The words rang in her ears, as she knew she had but seconds to decide what she needed to do. You have never asked me to abandon my mission. And I am afraid you will not like my answer.
It was never my intention to hurt you, Magda. But he had, and she knew that he still held that power now, perhaps even more then before--because this time she had no where else to go.
Las time she had been weak, and frightened; needing to be held by him and given comfort. This time her shoulders squared, and her arms were crossed over her--protecting her. She was braced for whatever happened; even while her tone was soft. "Erik, I'm pregnant." She repeated the same words to him as she had that night when everything crashed around her. Letting that sink in for a moment, Magda continued. "I've known for a while now, but I had a few things to think about before I brought this to you." She had wanted to have all the answers, the perfect plan. Had not wanted to break like she had last time.
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Magneto
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 20, 2014 19:06:29 GMT
She moved to stand and Magneto kept his eyes on her. It seemed that she did have something to tell him otherwise she would not have shifted nor averted eye contact. Several moments of silence passed before she spoke the words that Magneto had suspected. She was pregnant. The familiarity of them brought back all those memories and past emotions of how they dealt with her first pregnancy. Including the loss of their child, which Erik had not been very expressive of his emotions about. He knew that she had been devastated, and that had seemed to be the catalyst to their inevitable parting. But this time, it was different. Why, he did not know. Perhaps because he had been more prepared for it; he had considered the possibility of it. So his state of shock was not as strong as it had been the first time. He was not going to walk away, nor remain silent with her in the days to follow.
She added that she had known for sometime, and had been thinking on it before he came to her today and put her on the spot to tell him. He continued to remain quiet, letting the words sink into his mind. Even if his reaction was calmer now, it still did not merit a joyous one; it was not the kind of news that others may jump with happiness and celebrate. For it still posed difficulties. Only these ones were vastly different from the last ones. His eyes went to her, breaking out of his deeply pensive state long enough to talk. "What do you want to do?" He asked her. He was not going to dictate what would happen. He asked to hear her thoughts. Her considerations. Her preferences. For right now, he did not know what path she wanted to set herself on, and he was not going to force a decision on her. Besides, she didn't even like the one he had said the last time she had spoken these words to him.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 20, 2014 19:23:42 GMT
The words touched her hears and she could hear the ones that said 'you' rather then 'we'. But it was what she had expected, and was ready to hear. Yet not one she was ready to answer. "I have made no decisions, other then to protect this child, better then I was able to with my first." Magda admitted, not putting any blame on Erik, because it had been humans who had caused her to lose her child. Even if he had angered then, they had chosen to attack a woman who was with child. She had failed in protecting her daughter by hiding what she was.
Standing there Magda looked at him, wondering what he was thinking. How he felt. He was calmer then before, but other then that she could not see what he thought. "What would you have me do?" Leave? She could hear the words he might form. This was no life for a child. He was fighting a war, was the face and the power behind it. That war came before her--and this she understood more then she had before. Had expected it of him until now. Yet just as last time, for once she wanted to be first in his choice.
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Magneto
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 20, 2014 19:40:13 GMT
She spoke of how she had made no decisions, apart from protecting the child better. He had no doubt about that. For she was better equipped with her powers, and knew that humans would not stand a chance against her, especially if she was not only protecting herself, but also, her unborn child. Their; their unborn child. She then asked him what he would have her do. Was she looking to him for direction? For a decision? Telling her what he thought she should do, or just hear him make a decision like he had last time? It was not the same this time around. He wasn't even sure it was fully processing that he was going to be a father. The one thing that he did recognize, was that the child would be a mutant.
"Whatever you feel you must," he told her. If she felt it too unsafe to stay, then he had to let her go. If she wished to stay here, then he would of course be here. Physically. Emotionally, he had no idea. There were those who knew of their relationship, so would know that Magneto had a child. However, if that were to get out to the rest of society . . . then he feared the consequences and possibilities of leverage that could be used against him. "I will not make any decision for you." Unlike last time. Where he had said something, and then expected it to be carried out, despite her disagreement with it.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 20, 2014 20:08:53 GMT
"What I feel I must," she repeated softly, looking away from him without any anger in her tone or on her face. She wasn't angry at him, or even herself. It wasn't anger she felt this time, unlike last time. Last time she had been angry and hurt, and in need of his support; while now she was more aware of how things would happen, and what to expect from him.
Which was seeming like their was little. "Is this you telling me you still do not wish to be a father?" She asked him, looking back at him, "That I should make no plans that include you?" The last time they'd held such a conversation it had been an emotional break down, while this time she was not even judging him, only asking. "You did not looked surprised just now, so you clearly saw the signs, knew before you entered this room . . . . What do you expect?"
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Magneto
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 20, 2014 20:38:32 GMT
She asked him about whether he was telling her he wanted no part of the child's life. How could he say no? But then again, how could he say yes? There were complications on both ends and he did not know what the best decision would be. For her. For the child. For him. Fatherhood was not just about being present in the child's life, but also building a strong emotional bond with them. He could not be a father when it was convenient and then part ways when he felt it was not. He had been braced for this, but that didn't mean he knew exactly what to do.
"I do not know," he answered honestly. He wasn't about to lie to her, nor make any quick decisions. "There is much to consider," he added. His gut told him that she had no intention of leaving, just as he had no intention of sending her away like he had done last time. Or well, he had sent her away from him. "Is this a life you wish to raise the child in?" He asked. A life in a group of mutants who fought for their rights. He was not going to stop, even with the bringing of this child into this world.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 20, 2014 23:07:44 GMT
Not knowing was slightly better then telling her he would drop her off somewhere, and wish her good luck raising his child alone. Could he . . . could he be wanting her to stay? "Is this a life you wish to raise the child in?" His words even put the dangerous doubt in her mind more. Dangerous because hope was what would break her, so much faster then him asking her to leave right now.
"My answer will be much the same as it was all those years ago, Erik." She had not saw a life yet, but had only wished it to be with him, no matter what that brought them. "But what shapes my choice now, if what you expect of me. You have to decide if you want to be a father, or if you still do not wish it. Until I know what you want, I fear I will not be able to make a choice."
Moving forward she sat on the edge of the bed, but not close to him. "When I was a little girl, I knew what my life would be life. I knew it would be traveling all over the world and just making enough to make a living. It would be cold winters, and hard summers. Yet I never felt it was anything less then exactly what I wanted, because I was with my family. People who I loved and loved me in return . . . I had thought with Ania . . . but it wasn't to be. I was weak then, but I am not weak now. Whatever you decide, just know that I will be strong this time."
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Magneto
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 21, 2014 1:56:12 GMT
She said that her answer would be the same it was last time. But that his decision was the determining factor. Whether he wanted to assume responsibility of being this child's father, or if he would isolate himself from it. She explained the life that she had foreseen, the one that she had wanted, and the one that she currently had was so far off from that. "The life you have now is drastically different from what you predicted." They were traveling, yes. But she was not with her gypsy people; she was with her fellow mutants. Still a family of sorts, depending on how one looked at it. To Erik, mutants were his kin; his brothers and sisters for he had no other family of blood.
"Your decision should not rest on mine. For it is your choice as to whether this is a life you want to remain in, or whether you prefer to be elsewhere; live elsewhere. Unless you are saying that you will only stay if I assume the responsibility of being a father and leave if I do not." She had said that her decision rested on his, is this what she meant? He did not want to be what drove her away. Nor what kept her here if she did not want this life for her child. Their child.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 21, 2014 3:12:31 GMT
Erik did not answer her question, but in true Erik form his reply was enough to give her conflicting thoughts. He always got to the heart of the matter, and removed any twist or untruths from it. When he did it to others, she loved it; less so when he did it to her. For now he had asked her if she was saying she would only stay he if would be a father.
Which was and wasn't what she was saying. "The last time I found myself carrying your child, you sent me away. I have spent the last few weeks bracing myself for the same. What I am asking, is do you want me to stay, or do you expect me to go? Both from this place and from your side." This time, what did he want. "The baby aside, whether you decide to be a father or not. What do you want . . . . from me." It was the first step into dealing with this. It was also the first time that she had ever asked him to almost define what he wanted from her. "Please, I need to know."
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Magneto
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 21, 2014 4:42:32 GMT
They were answering each other's questions with more questions. And somehow, amidst all these inquiries, came the topic of their relationship. It was not just about the child anymore, for now she was directly asking him what he wanted from her. As a lover, not as a mother. As a woman whom he had shared his bed with several nights and who stayed here as a Brotherhood mutant. He knew he should have expected this kind of conversation to eventually take place, especially with recent events, but he was unsure of what his answer was. They had never blatantly defined their relationship, as there seemed to be a mutual unspoken understanding between them. Yet now she asked what he wanted from her. And he was tempted to return the question: what does she want of him. But alas, it would return to that initial dilemma of answering a question with a question, making no progress in gaining the answers.
"I do not expect you to leave," he told her, confirming that he was not sending her away this time. That he would not force her from his company. That if she were to leave, it would be of her own volition. "But I only expect you to stay if you want to. Not if I want you to." If. That being the operative word. For he still didn't know what he wanted. Of course he wanted her here. But his wants were not as important as necessity. It went back one philosophy that had not changed since the first time and that was, that he needed to think with his mind, not just his emotional heart. Then, came the question of them. She wanted to know what he expected of her, and he knew not what to tell her. "We have never defined our relationship before, as we had not felt the need to." As he previously recognized, it consisted of a mutual understanding. "Is it really necessary to do so now by asking me what I expect of you?" He asked, somewhat rhetorically, though he supposed it was only rhetorical if she said no.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 21, 2014 5:07:43 GMT
"Erik," She began, but paused while trying to gather her thoughts. In the end, she decided to do something she had never done before. She was honest with her self allowed with him. "I know that you have the weight of the world on you, and the fate of our kind could well rest on every decision you make. I understand that."
"I know you are an incredibly smart man--I've never met anyone even half as smart, cunning, and unwilling to bend or break as you are. I admire that about you. I really do." Her voice was soft, and there was no negative meaning there. She was being honest on an emotional level. "I like to think you have even allowed me to see more of you then you let others. And I am honored by that."
"Yet if I am honest, I would admit the only reason that we have no defined our relationship is because I was afraid." He'd left her once because something else was more important. "I had rather live in the mystery and possibly."
Her hand moved to her belly, "I know it is unfair of me to put this on you, but I need to know where I am with you in order to make a choice I wont regret. Because if I am to remain honest, it will be that I lived every day of the years we were apart regretting how it ended between us."
"If you decide this is not a life you can have, then my choice is finding some place safe and protecting this child with everything you have taught me. Yet if you decide you want to at least try, then my choice is between taking the risk and staying, or leaving. I only need to know before I can make a decision with my eyes opened."
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Magneto
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Post by Erik Lehnsherr on Jul 21, 2014 15:10:23 GMT
She firstly began to speak of his role in this world. Of his position as the leader of the Brotherhood. She understood. Just as she had understood her obsession to find Shaw. Or well, perhaps not understood but accepted it in the sense that she had never tried to change his mind or make him stop. She then went on to speak of his traits, words that left him silent as he listened. He could sense a 'but' approaching from the tone in which she spoke. She spoke of how he had let her see more of him than the others, and she was right. For his relationship with Magda had started since he was a child. She knew what he had endured in the darkest time in his life, and then throughout so many other incidents along the way. He was not with her now out of convenience. But still, he remained silent, continuing to listen to her and wanting her to speak uninterrupted.
She had feared the answer. The defining of their relationship. Again, he could not exactly blame her for that. He understood, considering how it had ended the last time for them. Though she should not be speaking of how unfair it was of her. He too had caused this to happen; and he could understand her need for answers. He never exactly spoke of how he wanted to be a father; how he wished they had a child. All she had to go on was his reaction in the past when she had told him that she was pregnant. And it wasn't the best or most desirable reaction a future mother and lover could hope for. While he could not regret the time they'd spent apart, he had missed her in ways he could not fully describe. He had been with her when he thought her human; something that he never would do with anyone else. Especially now. She finally spoke of her options, saying that if he did not want to be part of the child's life, she would leave. And that if he did, then she would still decide whether to stay or go. He did not want to agree to take the responsibility of being the child's father just to make her stay.
If he accepted this, then it would be because he intended to play an active role in the baby's life. Not because he didn't want to see her go. He remained silent for several moments, thinking over her words, thinking over his options, the possibilities, the consequences. Once again, it wasn't just about what he wanted, it was about what was best for the three of them. Their child would be a mutant. How could he cast that child out? "I will not ask you to stay nor leave for that decision is yours to make," he began to say, unwilling to trap her in a life she did not want despite his own wants and preferences. "But should you decide to stay, then I will embrace my role and responsibilities as the child's father." He wasn't sure if he felt excited about the whole thing, or if it was still registering. He only knew that everything was about to change with a child, and he would need to prepare for that.
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Magda Gurzsky
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Post by Magda Eisenhardt on Jul 22, 2014 3:23:50 GMT
Magda tried to see each life in her mind. If she stayed, then there was a chance that Erik could come to love the child. He could help train him and protect him. He could teach her to grow strong her powers, and fear no one. Yet there was also a chance that because it was Erik's child, they would be in danger every moment of their life while someone sought to bring him to heel with the child. Yet if she told no one, and left then she'd spend the rest of her life as she'd spent the 16 years without Erik--without him. Only think time she'd have his child to make it easier. She'd be alone, and trying to protect a child in a world that would forever hate or fear her.
"Responsibilities," She repeated the word. "You seek to make sure I am able to do what I feel I must, and to have your full support." Unlike last time, when he had just told her what he expected of her, and planned to send her away. Only they'd lost Ania before they could part ways, so instead he had told her that she was human, and and they'd gone their own ways there. "I want the same thing I wanted back then. I want to be with you Erik. I want to be by your side when you let me. I want the family that we both lost in the camps."
"But I have no right to make that choice for you. I thank you for trying to give me a choice but . . . it needs to be what you want. Or we are only going to end up like last time. So my question is the same, I need to know where I am with you. What you want from me. Because without it I am only forcing you hand."
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