Trying to Help

[Deleted]

Ashni saw gaps, dangerous gaps in the coverage Charles had for the students education, after all he was placing a emotionally distressed teenagers in a co-ed environment, most of them for the first time realizing that they were not alone, not freaks, being accepted for the first time, it was more then natural that pairings started to happen. Temporary or permanent those actions had consequences. 


Hank and Charles tried so very hard but they were men, and many of the girls simply didn't feel comfortable talking to Hank even if he was a doctor, Ashni was more then comfortable taking on a big sister role, providing for their needs. After all she had grown up in a house of women, and had the specter of pregnancy and illness over her head her entire life. And she had not fallen to either, some of her luck was her mutation looking out for her but the rest was knowledge,  wisdom she shared with out reservation. She found it eternally amusing that if she walked around in her sarees's they took her advice more often,  thinking her 'exotic'. The teens were easily impressed and being able to focus on her 'normal' strangeness versus their or their classmates mutations helped many of them anchor themselves better in the school. 


Money to pay the doctors that she discreetly visited, the ones that already were working past the edge of legality and so asked few questions, for prophylactics. Was easier to get then she had expected,  a visit to a few OTB parlors, once to an Indian casino and she had her seed money, her mutation making it easy to win. The hard part was winning just enough not to draw more attention to herself. Her complexion already working against her as she tried to pass for white. From there she started to invest, She never thought to ask Charles for money, he had his own stressors making sure that there was enough for EVERYTHING else, and this one small thing? She would do and happily. 

Charles's library was a treasure trove and most nights she would be passed out there reading everything from Chemistry and Anatomy books with half an eye at some day going to school and becoming a medical doctor. To philosophy and literature, simply to assuage her own ravenous hunger for knowledge. 

Her intellect had finally been sparked awake and she was never going back the sleepy world of simply living to please men. 


Those months were the happiest of her life, she could do what she wanted, AND she was giving back to Charles, helping the students also filled in a personal desire, she enjoyed caring for others, it really did give her pleasure to be able to fill all the little gaps in the School, learning accounting to help with the books, starting a mail course for nursing. Using her mutation to protect, to help.


She didnt nurse maid Charles like Hank did but he would often find a pot of tea and biscuits ready and warm for him after using Cerebro, Ashni wondered if he knew it was her that left them, it was silly to her that he might not, since his morals disallowed random readings. She had nothing to hide from him, and had told him so once. But only once, she didnt understand his mutation enough to know if it was painful for him.


She was late one day, tray in hand, scones and a lovely chai blend that she had imported this time. She set down the tray just as he started to pull off the helmet. 

[x]

The only thing about managing a school was that it was damn near impossible to do on one’s own—for any notable periods of time, at least. Hank had been more than willing to assist in whatever he could, as were the teachers and other staff they by some miracle managed to accumulate, but those initial years...well, there was a good deal to be said for teamwork.

Without Cerebro, however, getting the school going would have been simply impossible. Charles had no idea how he and Hank would have gone about locating teachers who would be perfectly accepting of mutations without it. Even as Hank dithered and fussed over Charles’s continued and extensive use of the machine, Cerebro had proven itself far too useful to go without. Charles thought of all those he wouldn’t have found without it, and suppressed a shiver.

One such person was Ashni, a young woman he’d located in Pakistan when she was a girl. Though she hadn’t come with him then, later getting involved with Erik and his Brotherhood before realizing that she wanted different things, she seemed thoroughly pleased with her decision to come to Westchester.

Ashni had really taken to the children, as well, particularly the girls. (Hank regularly thanked God for her when one of the younger girls found herself facing lady problems that Hank, for all of his intelligence and maturity, was thoroughly unprepared to deal with.) She seemed to have found herself a pleasant niche in helping them through their formative years.

Charles pulled the helmet off and shut down Cerebro after making sure that the mutants on his Watch List where still doing acceptably well and scanning to see if any urgent cases had come up. Thankfully, none yet. As willing as he was to go where he was needed, Charles much preferred it when there was no need.

He exited Cerebro to find Ashni leaving behind a tray of scones and tea—so it had been her; Hank didn’t have the same talent with tea—and smiled a bit.

“Why thank you, my dear,” he quipped. “I take it you’re the one who’s been so kind as to bring down some tea and biscuits when I use Cerebro?”

[Deleted]

Ashni blushed lightly at being caught, but hid it behind a smile "You don't eat enough." she said setting her hands on her hips. She tried hard not to seem too overbearing but sometimes she couldn't help herself. "And you seem so tired afterwards." her hand itched to reach out and brush his cheek, every time he spoke to her it made her want to purr like a cat in the sun. 

When she was near him she endeavored to keep her mind projecting calm and serenity , she never knew if it made any difference but she hoped it did. Today was no different but the mental image she chose was of a mountain lake she had visited once as a girl, one of the most beautiful sights she had seen its clear waters begging to be tasted. She kept the image in her head as she spoke to him. "Any luck today? Anyone we need to worry about?" she cocked a concerned eyebrow. "You know I'm happy to go if you need me to."

Ashni never felt as whole as she did when bringing another soul to safe haven, unlike with Magneto she only used her powers in defense of another, although she sometimes had a loose definition of defense, for her helping to make sure the school kept slipping through cracks in paper work that would send 'agents' out to look at them was just another way she could keep the children safe. 
 

[x]

“You don’t eat enough,” she replied, putting her hands on her hips and blushing slightly from being caught. “And you seem so tired afterwards.”

“Thank you dearly for your thoughtfulness,” he said as he wheeled himself over to the tray. “I must admit, it’s become something I look forward to when I leave Cerebro.”

Ashni had a point; with everything that was going on, Charles would often forget to eat. He’d done the same as a graduate student in Oxford, and even before that back at Harvard and throughout his brief time in compulsory education. Raven had often been the one to drag him away from his desk to eat or unwind, insisting that they go to a pub or take a walk in the park or whatever sort of activity she thought of. After she left...well...Hank did his best, but he was just as bad as Charles was from time to time.

He reached out to her mind for a brief moment; she’d taken to picturing things that brought her calm and peace whenever she was around him, and he’d come to enjoy discovering the images and thoughts she settled on. Today’s was a lovely mountain lake, a memory of hers from her childhood.

“Any luck today? Anyone we need to worry about?” Ashni asked, cocking an eyebrow in concern. “You know I’m happy to go if you need me to.”

“I am very much aware,” Charles answered as he took a scone, “and I am incredibly grateful for your willingness to help. However, there are no imminent threats at the moment. I have located a few more to add to the summer recruiting list, though.”

Due to the chaos of running a school, the only time Charles ever sent someone out to fetch a potential student during the term was when the child in question was in imminent danger. Instead, he kept his recruiting to breaks: the winterim, Spring Break, the summer hols—whenever he could reasonably leave the school for particular lengths of time.

“Would you care for a scone as well, my dear? They do taste better when shared with friends."

[Deleted]

 “I must admit, it’s become something I look forward to when I leave Cerebro.”
Ashni fought the continued blush, a ripple of her delight at his stated pleasure trying to break though her calm. She relaxed more when he told her that no one on watch list were in danger.

It was something she had come to both dread and rejoice in. Dread for it was another child in danger, one that would now never have a happy childhood, but also rejoice because bringing them to the school...seeing them flourish...being a part of that. It gave her life a purpose for which she was truly grateful.

Ashni had lived as a girl with the horrible grinding knowledge that she would end up with children if she wished it or not.  She had never considered herself maternal, until she came to the School. 

How ever now during her few and far between free hours, she found her mind wandering thinking of how it would be to have a little baby of her own. There were no truly young children here. And some times...just sometimes she wished there was.



“Would you care for a scone as well, my dear? They do taste better when shared with friends."
Charles brought her back to reality from her train of thought "I don't mind if I do." she sat down pulling a fold up chair over. "New recipe, raspberry white chocolate. I thought it might be interesting with the Chai. Hhopefully its not too sweet together." She hardly cooked, there was staff for that, and she had only learned her native dishes as a girl. But every few weeks she would try her hand at baking for him. Ashni knew her silly crush was probably terribly obvious, but so far Charles had done her the courtesy of not mentioning it. 

Unfortunately no matter how much she told herself that he wouldn't, couldn't see her that way, her stubborn heart remained fixed. So she set her self to simply being a companion to him "Did you have time today to think of your next move?" she asked breaking open a scone. "I think I might have you beat this time!" she grinned. Chess was not her strongest game, she was a competent player and was gaining skill the more she played with him. But she was still far from the tactician he was. "If I do win you owe me a forfeit." she winked. 

[x]

“Don’t mind if I do,” she accepted, taking a seat. “New recipe: raspberry white chocolate. I thought it might be interesting with Chai. Hopefully it’s not too sweet together.”

“Raspberry white chocolate, hm? Can’t say I’ve had that before,” he said as he took a bite of the scone. “It tastes wonderful, Ashni, well done.”

Not that he’d ever really encountered anything he considered too sweet; triple chocolate concoctions came very close, depending on the sorts of chocolates used, but Charles had always had a sweet tooth. If it had sugar, he was perfectly willing to try it.

“Did you have time today to think of your next move? I think I might have you beat this time!”

He chuckled a bit at that. To be honest, he hadn’t really given it much thought. Though, considering the board, he’d have her in check in three moves unless she figured out a way to turn the tables. Which she might; she’d proven herself to quite the capable player, after all.

“If I do win, you owe me a forfeit,” she added with a wink.

“Of course,” Charles assured. “Let’s see how the game goes, shall we?”

[Deleted]

She preened under the compliment of her cooking. "Thank you. How is the tea?" 
“Of course,” Charles assured. “Let’s see how the game goes, shall we?”
Ashni laughed full bodied "You are humoring me!" she accused him, pointing a finger at him in mock indignation.  She leaned forward, eyes sparkling "Tell me how many moves? Less then five?" she squinted her eyes watching him for tells "OH damn it is...hummm Less then three?" she played poured their tea. Tapping her nails on the pot thoughtfully, running the board over in her mind. "Oh damn, its my rook isnt it." she groaned. "You'll take my rook, I'll counter with the pawn to take your queen and you'll checkmate me." she stabbed a finger at him "Damn you Charles Xavier! You know I cant resist a queen sacrifice!" she accused. 

Ashni was grinning widely, she hated losing but she loved learning. She was self aware enough that her own frustration amused the hell out of her. "What are you doing today beside trouncing me?" 

[x]

Ashni preened at the praise. “Thank you. How is the tea?”

“Wonderful, of course,” he answered, taking a sip of the Chai. Though it wasn’t his favorite tea (that would be Earl Grey, in an unintentional upkeep with British stereotypes), it was still rather enjoyable. And it went surprisingly well with the scones, as far as he was concerned.

“You are humoring me,” she cried at his comments on their game, laughing all the same. “Tell me how many moves? Less than five?” Ashni surveyed the board and caught on. “Oh, damn, it is. Hmmmmm, less than three?” Another moment needed to go over the placements on the board before she groaned. “Oh damn, it’s my rook, isn’t it? You’ll take my rook, I’ll counter with the pawn to take your queen, and you’ll checkmate me.”

She pointed a finger sharply at him. “Damn you, Charles Xavier! You know I can’t resist a queen sacrifice,” she accused, grinning widely still.

While Ashni could be a bit of a sore loser from time to time, she was far more interested in learning from her mistakes. No matter how frustrating losing a game was for her, she’d always come back with a revamped strategy and all but demand a rematch. Charles hadn’t played chess so often since Erik. (And how wonderful was it that simply thinking of their shared past no longer felt like a knife being twisted in his heart?)

“What are you doing today, besides trouncing me?”

“Paperwork, mostly,” Charles admitted, setting his tea down. “Fine-tuning my lesson plans for the next week, keeping an eye on our legislative branch and any mutant-related talk therein. Just busy work, I’m afraid. Nothing inherently exciting.”

[Deleted]

Ashni had seen the tiny hints of pain when she first started playing with him, she had been pleased as they seemed to slowly fade as the months went on. “Paperwork, mostly,” Charles admitted, setting his tea down. “Fine-tuning my lesson plans for the next week, keeping an eye on our legislative branch and any mutant-related talk therein. Just busy work, I’m afraid. Nothing inherently exciting.”

Ashni tried to hide her excitement, it was near his birthday (and oh hadn't that been a chore to discover!)  She had been waiting for a chance when they were both nominally not busy, of course in the school that was always a matter of degrees. "So, nothing that can't wait a few hours?" she said innocently, solidifying the projection of the mountain lake in her mind. She knew very well that Charles could brush by it with out effort. And if he did she would only be disappointed that her surprise would be spoiled. 

She had been bad, very very bad, her investment in IBM was paying out a ridiculous sum of money and after putting most of it into the school discreetly, she was still left with a staggering amount of available cash. 

Ashni had almost idly started looking at catalogs, it wasn't as though she needed much, and she had been debating buying a gorgeous ruby and diamond necklace when an ad for the new Aston Martin caught her eye. 

The whole scheme had taken months, between ordering the car, persuading the manufacture to make the necessary changes and then getting it delivered with out (hopefully!) Charles noticing. 

[x]

“So, nothing that can’t wait a few hours?” Ashni asked, keeping her voice as innocent sounding as possible.

She strengthened the image of the mountain lake, and Charles raised an eyebrow in skepticism. He’d been well aware that the woman had been up to something in recent months, and while he had been incredibly curious, Charles had sensed no ill-intent and had therefore forced himself to swallow his curiosity in order to respect her privacy. He had turned a blind eye to her investment strategies (which seemed to rely a great deal on luck, it seemed) as long as it didn’t blow up out of proportion. Until it threatened either the school or the stability of the global economy—whichever came first—he wasn’t going to dictate how she conducted her finances.

“Theoretically yes, I suppose,” he replied.

There were a few whispers of possible mutant-related legislation being brought forth—something inherently common ever since Erik’s stunt in Washington, D.C.—that he wanted confirmation on and a list of Congressmen who would be in the know. Not to mention the general goings-on on Capitol Hill that Charles made a point of following as closely as he could reasonably manage.

“You’ve been up to something recently,” he added. “I’ll admit I’m not sure what, as I never sensed ill-intent, but I am a bit curious as to what you’ve been up to.”

[Deleted]

When he admitted that not only had he known she was up to something and had not pushed. AND that he was curious, her lips pulled in to a mischievous whole hearted grin, one that she always tried to suppress as she thought it made her look terrible. Charles always seemed to beable to pull unpracticed expressions from her. 

"Well come on then." she crooked a finger at him standing. She held her hand out to him, leading him to the larger garage, she paused infront of the covered vehicle. Trepidation hitting her, What if he hates it? What if its just a reminder of what he lost? What if I made a mistake? The worst was she knew even if he hated her gift he would just be polite about it to spare her feelings. 

"Please...if you don't like it tell me." she would want to know the truth. Ashni pulled the cover off to reveal a DB5 Bond's car. She had gotten this was off the line custom outfitted with the acceleration and braking near the wheel, unfortunately it was a automatic since there had been no way to incorporate a stick where he did not have to use his feet. She had paid through the nose. (was still paying) for the custom changes to allow him to operate it by himself. They had never done anything like it, and she had, had to use all her persuasive skill and no small push of her mutation to get it done at all let alone in time for his birthday. 

She bit her lip harder, there was also a just enough space in the tiny trunk to accommodate a very stripped down wheelchair.
"Moonraker just came out... the new Bond film...we could go...if you wanted..." 
She touched the stylized X on the horn. Waiting for his reaction, nerves clearly showing. 

[x]

Ashni grinned, her expression completely mischievous and Charles resisted the urge to seek out the answers himself.

“Well, come on, then,” she said as she stood, crooking a finger at him and holding out her hand.

Charles followed her out to the garage, taking note of a covered vehicle. He raised an eyebrow, feeling a sudden wave of trepidation and a litany of anxious thoughts. Sending a bit of calm in her direction, Charles considered the possibilities of what was under the covering. Obviously it was a vehicle of some kind, and the same was a bit distinctive, but he couldn’t quite place why that was so.

“Please, if you don’t like it, tell me,” Ashni insisted as she pulled the cover off.

He blinked as he took in a rather handsome car, and one he recognized almost instantly. A DB5 Bond car. Charles smiled and laughed as the realization clicked into place. He’d been a fan of James Bond since he’d stumbled across a copy of Casino Royale when he was a boy. It had been the one interest he and Cain had shared, surprisingly enough. When Dr. No had been released into theaters back in 1962, Charles had insisted they go to watch the premiere as a way to take their minds off what was going on with Shaw for a moment. Lately, though...he hadn’t been able to keep up with it as much as he’d wanted. Too much paperwork and keeping an eye on a number of young mutants.

“Moonraker just came out,” she added, biting her lip. “The new Bond film. We could go, if you wanted.”

Had it? Charles laughed a bit more; he hadn’t realized! Amazing how time flew when his attention was otherwise occupied.

“That sounds wonderful, my dear. And it’s lovely, I assure you. Wonderful, actually, thank you,” Charles assured, still smiling as he controlled his laughter. “Though, I haven’t driven in nearly twenty years. Haven’t—well, not many models out there that accommodate men in my position.”

[Deleted]

Ashni relaxed feeling the brush of his mind against hers, trying to calm her thoughts. She tried to reach out for him, inviting him deeper. How she wished she was a telepath, able to share with him on that level. Ashni smiled running her hand down the side of the car, opening the door for him. "Well I worked with them, even tried it out myself." she answered after he commented that he had not driven in decades. She waited calmly to see if he needed help, but she wasn't going to offer it. She didn't want to make him feel weak.


"And." she wiggled her fingers red light dancing from them, "I can try and make sure you don't crash us." she winked. Is this a date? God I feel like a fool pursuing him, but.... she liked  him, and every interaction with him just reinforced her feelings. She wished he would tell her if there was no hope, and she also dreaded the event. At least until he told her flat out that her attentions were unwanted she could dream. And... God the dreams she had about him, did he ever peak? Did he ever see her fantasies of them together in bed? 

"There is a five o'clock showing, Perhaps dinner after?" she tried to tramp down on the feelings of stupidity for asking him out. 

Perversely as the months went on she had become more shy around him rather then less, as her feeling shifted from pure animal attraction to something deeper. She was still thanking her unconventional upbringing for giving her the strength to be so bold with him. If she had been raised 'right' in a 'normal' house hold, she would have NEVER made so many advances towards him. 

Of course that could be the problem, he hates that you are so bold, wants a shy, honorable girl, one that wasn't a whore. I can't blame him..

The self doubt that she had managed to be to busy to indulge in since she acknowledged her growing feelings for him reared his head. When she just wanted a roll in the hay, it didn't matter to her so much if he thought her a slut, or pitted her prior life. Now..now all she wished was that she had gone with him all those years ago. Not because she regretted the life. Although now that she was fully immersed in learning she did curse the lost TIME. But because it might be the reason why he reacted to her with the polite only slightly happy tells. 

[x]

“Well, I worked with them,” Ashni explained, “even tried it out myself.”

She opened the door for him, and Charles pushed himself over to it. He still remembered how to drive, of course; it had been awhile, but he had an excellent memory. What would be tricky was relearning the break and the acceleration; instinct would have him trying to move his legs, even though he’d been without them for over a decade. It was quite a lovely set up: both the gas and the break where nearer the wheel, where he could utilize his hands while driving. The car was an automatic though, something that would take as much getting used to as the new position of the break and acceleration, but he wasn’t overly concerned.

“And,” she added, wiggling her fingers as red light swayed around them, “I can try and make sure you don’t crash us.” She winked, and Charles smiled. “There’s a five o’clock showing. Perhaps after dinner?”

Ashni radiated nervousness, though she tried to keep an unaffected demeanor. Charles was well aware as to how she felt about him; to be honest, he had yet to decide how to proceed there. She was a charming young woman, and most certainly the type he’d pursued back in Oxford, but he’d long gotten past the period in his life when he’d been after nothing more than one-night stands with no threat of a lingering emotional investment. Erik’s entrance into his life had shocked him out of that; Erik being the first person Charles had ever wanted more than just one night with. But Ashni...well, he couldn’t decide. What he felt for Erik was still strong, but blow after blow had faded it ever so slightly. Erik had Magda, had had Raven for a time, and Charles was doing no one any favors by allowing his unrequited love to stagnate him emotionally. It wouldn’t be fair to Ashni if he used her just to get over Erik. She deserved far better than that.

A sharp bit of doubt and self-depreciation caught him by surprise and he tore his attention away from the car, returning back to Ashni.

“Whatever you’re thinking, my dear, it would perhaps be best to stop,” he offered, as gently as he could. Self-depreciation...was it in regards to her past? Her upbringing? “Unless you want to speak about it?”

Some of the students needed nothing more than someone to talk to, someone who would listen to their fears and their concerns. If Ashni wanted to talk, then Charles would listen.

[Deleted]

“Whatever you’re thinking, my dear, it would perhaps be best to stop,”
Ashni paled slighted trying to reinforce her calm, but its had been shaken by self doubt. "Sorry." she gave him a smile it might have been a touch weak as she slid into the passenger side.
“Unless you want to speak about it?”
Ashni could almost see the 'Professor' come out, I want to talk to Charles, not the headmaster.... it hurt that he still saw her as a child that needed guidance, regardless of their age difference, her life and her experiences...she had seen and done enough for two women. 

If he talked to her as an equal, at least on the level of two adults, and not as a pupil that needed help...she would tell him anything, share everything. She came to the school as a supplicant yes, but not as a student, Magneto had done well in training her, her powers where as under her control as they could be, her fine tuning of them was just a matter of time. But even now she was...powerful, controlling probability with a delicate touch.

Ashni accepted she wasn't as educated as he was, but she was attempting to rectify that, not for him but for her own love of learning, the years...there was nothing she could do about the twenty year age gap between them, her past...she had been chaste since coming to the school, trying in part to become a woman he could consider. A woman he would not be ashamed of.

Besides the chastity nothing she had done while at the school, starting the mail order courses, helping the girls and Hank, or going on missions had been about proving herself to him. It had been her OWN desires to do what was 'right' that fueled it.

But oh was the chastity becoming hard, she found relieve at night through her dreams but it wasn't the same. "No, Charles." she answered, trying to hide her sadness under the calm lake, holding back from touching him, she had learned about his powers better over the months, and she would no longer force her self on him physically or mentally.


She knew he wouldn't push, and that hurt in a strange way. "Want to drive around first a little? We have about an hour before we have to worry about missing the show." she smiled pushing everything down and away. 
 
Happy as just his companion, remember that, don't push for something impossible....he'll never fall for a whore. No decent man would...

She reminded herself again of the impossibility, steeling herself to just try and be his friend only. 

[x]

“Sorry,” Ashni said as she tried to fortify her calm, giving him a slightly weak smile as she slid into the passenger seat.

Charles felt a flash of disappointment when he offered her a chance to speak about what was bothering her. He re-examined the past few exchanges in an attempt to uncover what he’d said or done that would inspire any of her displeasure. Ashni had become a dear friend, and Charles sincerely enjoyed her company, but he always got the sense that she was somehow holding herself back. Somehow, he had the growing feeling that she wasn’t entirely happy at the school, and that was something he wanted to change.

“No, Charles,” she added, rejected his offer to talk. “Want to drive around first a little? We have about an hour before we have to worry about missing the show.”

He recognized the topic change for what it was and nodded, starting the car. The engine roared to life, and Charles felt a sharp burst of excitement. Had it really been so long since he’d had the chance to leave the mansion without Hank nearby? As wonderful as Hank was (he was nothing short of a saint for putting up with Charles as long as he had), he’d always had a habit of treading rather cautiously in all matters concerning Charles ever since he’d first come home from the hospital back in 1963.

Ashni didn’t have the memories of Cuba or of years of drug addiction and alcoholism coloring how she regarded him. No, the only issue between them was her romantic interest in him. She’d backed off in her pursuit, and Charles wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Ashni had seemed much happier when she’d been trying to garner his interest. He really hoped those spurts of self-depreciation he’d picked up from her mind wasn’t what made her back off; there was absolutely nothing wrong with Ashni, and if it weren’t for the fact that he was still working through his entanglement with a certain mutant terrorist, he would have taken her up on her offer in her first week at the school.

He shoved that bit of reflection to the back of his mind. Charles was going to ensure that Ashni had a bit of fun today, and maybe they could work out whatever it was that had shaken her confidence.

“It would certainly give me the chance to adjust to being behind the wheel again,” he agreed with a smile. “Now, my dear, where would you like to go first?”

[Deleted]

Ashni's smile was a bit stronger seeing his delight, her pleasure that her gift had been well received pinking her cheeks.



She had been so worried that it would only be a reminder of what he had lost, Ashni leaned back in the seat, her hands glowing slightly as she shifted the odds of them having the stretch of road to themselfs. "If you want.." she smiled "Can open her up." She turned to wink at him, hair flying around her face from the open window. Tiny sparks of red light dancing in the air. "Either of us can make sure there isnt a problem with the cops." her teeth gleamed as she grinned at him. "So if you want to let go and floor it.." Ashni would make sure there was no one to get in their way.





She was joyous even with her budding self hate, she reveled in giving him back a portion of his physical freedom, he could mentally be anywhere in the world but physically? Ashni laughed brightly "Anywhere Charles! Anywhere you want to go." she smiled at him. Her calm lake shattering, under the sudden uncontrolled swell of love for him, it sharpened her thoughts, crystallizing the feelings that had been building in her.



Anything, anywhere you want, just tell me, show me and i'll get it for you, do it for you...please...I only want to see you happy like this all the time. If you can't love me...thats ok, I'll make it ok, find you someone you can. I know i'm not good enough for you...but I wish I was...



The thought was not as buried as she would have wanted, Ashni would never wish to force her uncontrolled thoughts at him. Never force him to see how she felt. Because she was realizing he would never be hers,and that burning knowledge she shoved deeply away.

[x]

Ashni seemed to smile brighter when he reacted with obvious delight to her gift. Charles smiled a bit at that; it was always a nice feeling to know that he could make someone happy, whatever the reason. It was a wonderful thing to be around happy people. There was a specific sort of energy they had that often rubbed off on Charles—a sort of contact-high that Charles had become slightly addicted to the moment he first experienced it.

“If you want,” she said, leaning back in her seat as her hands glowed from an application of her power, “can open her up.”

He got them out onto the road, taking care to remain aware of his surroundings. The butler had been the one to teach him how to drive, the summer before Oxford, when he was fifteen. Kurt couldn’t be bothered to do anything with Charles that didn’t involve some level of violence, and Cain was much the same. And so, it had been William, who had been with Charles in so many other milestones in his life, who had taken the helm.

“Either of us can make sure there isn’t a problem with the cops,” Ashni added, recalling some of Charles’s attention to her. “So if you want to let go and floor it...”

He laughed at that, sparing a glance at her. Ashni looked about as alive as Charles felt as they made their way down an empty stretch of road, hair flying in wind from the open window and red sparks dancing around her. (Hank would kill them for this later, Charles was sure, but that was well off in the future and he was going to take a moment to not think for once in his life.)

“Anywhere, Charles,” she cried, her smile bright. “Anywhere you want to go.”

It was quick and sharp, her calm surface shattering under a swell of love and adoration. Anything, anywhere you want...only want to see you happy like this all the time....can’t love me...that’s okay...find you someone you can...not good enough for you...wish I was...

Charles faltered a bit from the strength of it all. It was a little like a punch to the gut in its intensity, muted as it was by his shielding. He should have learned years ago; ignoring the problem and over-analyzing it wasn’t going to do him any good. If anything, it was only going to make things worse—especially for Ashni. Maybe...he took a deep breath and made up his mind. He had to get over Erik. The man was never going to change, never going to see Charles as enough reason to give peace a chance, no matter what Logan had said to the contrary. All Charles was doing by pining was hurting himself and the people who actually cared for him.

“Well then, how does a leisurely drive about the country suit?”

He was going to get this right. Ashni deserved that much, at least.

[Deleted]

Ashni saw him twitch, a welling of shame overtook her before she forced it all back behind her own kind of shielding, she had no idea what she had forced on him in that instant of pure recognition, but she knew it was unwanted. “I’m sorry Charles.” she said quietly enough for him to ignore it, pretend he didn’t know didn't see.



Ashni rested her head on the side of the door breathing in the fresh air as he drove, “leisurely.” she nodded, taking a deep deep breath. Shoving everything down and away from the surface, she was here to give him a good time, and anything she felt didn’t matter. She was going to be his friend, companion anything to distract and entertain him. “I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for so I also packed a little picnic.” she nodded to the basket in the back, it wasn’t a full meal, but she had wanted to be prepared for anything.



Ashni turned a revitalized smile back to him once she had herself under control. “You know this area better then I.” She had pretty much stuck to the main roads between town and school. Ashni looked at him sideways. “I-” she took another breath “I was wondering if you’d tell me about it? How you grew up?” It was a gamble clearly he had come from wealth but she hadn’t seen or heard anything about family. she hoped she wasn’t overstepping his boundaries.

If there was an indication that he had decided to take a chance with her, Ashni missed it in her own certainty that he never would. 

[x]

Ashni muttered an apology, one so quiet Charles wasn’t entirely sure if he actually heard it. He spared a brief glance over at her; he wanted to tell her that she had nothing to be sorry about, that there was nothing wrong with how she felt even if Charles wasn’t entirely there at the moment. She immediately retreated behind her own shields and Charles could feel her desire to forget that she hadn’t lost control like that. Instead, she nodded and agreed to his suggestion of a leisurely drive, resting her head against the door and taking in the fresh air.

“I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for, so I also packed a little picnic,” she said, gesturing towards the back.

“You know this area better than I,” she pointed out, giving him a stronger smile as she regained control of her emotions.

There was an expectant pause before she continued. “I...I was wondering if you’d tell me about it? How you grew up?”

“Not all that much to tell, I’m afraid,” Charles replied, the words tumbling out before he was really aware of them. “My family relocated here in 1941, immediately after the Blitz.”

He didn’t care to think of his past; it was pointless, in his opinion: not only was it done, but he’d really been so lucky compared to so many other mutants. He’d had a roof over his head, access to an excellent education, and he never had to worry about whether or not he’d be able to locate food. When Raven had broken into his kitchen, he’d been able to live his life knowing that he was not alone.