I Can Explain

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Raven had been acting rather strangely. Sure she was a rather happy person in general, but she was a little too happy these days. Not to mention, she hadn't used her human form in quite some time. She was using her blue, natural form.. which she was sure Charles wouldn't approve of, but this was her now. No hiding, and she was going to stick to it. She was currently in the kitchen of the mansion, making herself a cup of tea.

So far, Charles hadn't said anything to her just  yet, but that was likely to change at any given point. She could see it in his eyes.. that stern brotherly look, waiting for her to switch forms. Waiting for her to be like normal. Not to mention.. the relationship that she was keeping hidden to the best of her ability with Erik. He had to have known about it... He could get in to her head. 

It was like a loose canon ready to be fired. As her tea steeped, she grabbed honey out of a cabinet, and started to drizzle some in to the cup. Her fingertips tapped the counter top lightly. She couldn't read minds, but she knew that Charles was near. Finding some way to confront her. Since he'd likely do that today, she took the time to make a second cup of tea. He'd probably need something stronger than that, though. 

[x]

Raven had been acting odd lately.  Not alarmingly odd, but she had been happierthan normal.  And bluer.  She’d taken to going about in her nature formnear exclusively.  Not that Charlesreally minded; they were surrounded by mutants now, and people who wouldn’treact poorly to her blue skin and fool’s gold eyes.  He was happy that she was comfortable enoughto wander around in her natural state. It was what he’d always wanted for her.

 

Erik, though...Erik had been unusually chipper as well.  Charles was half tempted to peer into his mind to discover why, but refrained from doing so.  He wasn’t in the habit of doing anything more than brushing against the minds around him. Charles was going to be invited into a mind before he decided to prance around in it.  Raven had asked him to keep out of her mind, and he did so. Erik told him to stay out of his head, and Charles obliged. 

 

Still, the two most important people in his life seemed happy enough, and that would have to be enough for Charles.  He only wished he was the reason Erik had been so happy as of late.  (It was nothing short of a bloody miracle that Charles didn’t project some of his more vivid dreams to the whole estate.) 

 

Charles sighed and made his way down to the kitchen.  Thoughts of Erik always inspired a strange mix of elation and melancholy in him, a mix which only tea could assuage.  He started a bit when he sense Raven in the kitchen as well.  He hadn’t expected her to be there; she’d been spending quite a bit of time with Erik lately. 

 

(That cruel little voice in the back of his mind whispered thoughts of Erik and Raven together, in all the ways Charles wanted to be with Erik.  It made his heart clench and his stomach drop and he struggled to keep the damn thing quiet.  Why would he want you anyway?  You’re a telepath; no one even wants you around.  Even Raven would be happier without you.  Your own mother didn’t even—It took more will than he often felt he had.)

 

The telepath entered the kitchen with a smile plastered on his face. 

 

“Hello, Raven,” he greeted as he went over to gather the necessary supplies to make his tea. 

 

He was stunned to find a second cup already steeping.  “Am I wrong in assuming that’s for me?”

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She knew that Charles lived on tea, so guessing that he'd be joining her wasn't too far of a reach. Sure enough, he came striding in to the kitchen, and a smile curved on to those blue lips. "Indeed it is, Charles." She pushed it toward him gently. "Exactly how you like it." She lifted her own cup to her mouth, and she took a sip of the steaming liquid. When the cup lowered and touched the counter, she cleared her throat. "Charles, I want to talk to you about something." It was supposed to be a secret.. but maybe if she didn't name any names, it would be okay. Maybe he'd even think that she was so happy lately because of Hank or something. 

"I know that you haven't been prying in to my brain, but I also notice that you're curious, and I don't want to keep you out of the loop. Because.. I know it would drive me crazy if the shoe was on the other foot. I've kind of..been with someone." she evaded it as much as possible, but a smile on her lips again. "And it's been making me feel more like myself than I've felt in a long, long time. You always told me someone was going to appreciate me, and.. well, I have to say, you were right. I guess all I needed to do was meet a group of mutants."

[x]

“Indeed it is, Charles,” she confirmed, pushing the cup towards him. “Exactly how you like it.”

He smiled gratefully and took the cup, taking a good sip of it.

“Charles, I want to talk to you about something,” Raven began, and Charles took his attention off his tea to look at her.

In hindsight, Charles would mark those words as the top of a slippery slope that he’d hadn’t even recognized until everything had fallen apart and it was too late to do anything for it. At the moment, however, all he could do was wonder what it was that Raven wanted to talk about.

“I know that you haven’t been prying into my head—” Of course he hadn’t been; Raven had made him promise years ago that he’d stay out of her head. “—but I also notice that you’re curious—” Only about what was making her so happy, but he would manage perfectly well without her having to tell him anything. “—and I don’t want to keep you out of the loop. Because...I know it would drive me crazy if the shoe was on the other foot.”

He grinned a little at that; back in Oxford, when he found someone who fell for the groovy mutation pick-up line, she’d pester him almost as soon as he walked through the door, teasing him for all she was worth and they’d both get a good laugh out of it.

“I’ve kind of...been with someone,” she admitted, being purposefully evasive about it, but still honest all the same. “And it’s been making me feel more like myself than I’ve felt in a long, long time. You always told me someone was going to appreciate me, and, well, I have to say you were right. I guess all I needed to do was meet a group of mutants.”

"Well, I’m certainly glad for you, Raven,” he said with a smile.  "You've been a good deal happier recently, so I can't say I disapprove."

She’d been so insecure about her looks back in Oxford, and as much as it had pained him to see, he’d been utterly clueless in how to help. That she’d found someone who managed to succeed where he didn’t even know how to begin, it made him very happy for her. 

“Should I carry out my brotherly duty and sit the young man in question down for a talk,” he questioned with a teasing note to his tone.

[Deleted]

Great! Perfect! He didn't question who the man in question was. She was thankful for it, because lying to Charles was something that she had a very, very hard time doing. Instead, he was happy for her. She knew he would be. Her smile widened and she shook her head at his question about having to give the brotherly talk. "I don't think that'll be necessary. But just do me a favor.. don't tell anyone, okay? I'm kind of keeping it on the down low for right now. There's too much stuff happening outside of here to send everyone in to drama over-drive." She rolled her eyes. 

"That being said..." she mused. "What about you? Losing your touch with the mutation pick up lines around the other mutants?" She grinned with a wiggle of her eyebrows. "You'll come up with new material. I'm sure of it." With a playful wink, she took another drink of her tea. She gazed at him over her cup. Suddenly she felt like the weight of the world was lifted from her shoulders.  Sure, he didn't know -who- it was that she was seeing, but he knew that something was going on. Which meant, that she technically wasn't keeping anything from him, and so, she wouldn't feel guilty. It was completely logical.

[x]

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Raven answered with a shake of her head. “But just do me a favor: don’t tell anyone, okay? I’m kind of keeping it on the down low for right now. There’s too much stuff happening outside of here to send everyone into drama overdrive.”

She punctuated her sentence with an eye roll and Charles chuckled into his cup of tea before taking another sip. Save for himself, Erik, and Moira (and arguably Raven), their group was made up primarily of teenagers. Of the few adult mutants he and Erik had been able to locate, most either had their lives already settled or simply didn’t wish to get involved. Relationships and the associated drama would prove to be unnecessary distractions for the immediate future.

“That being said,” she added. “What about you? Losing your touch with the mutation pickup lines around other mutants?”

Raven wiggled her eyebrows for the effect and Charles nearly choked on a mix of tea and an amused snort. Was it bad that he really hadn’t tried the mutation line since Moira and the pub at Oxford? Would Erik even go for the terrifically bad line?

“You’ll come up with new material,” she assured, playfully winking before taking another sip of tea. “I’m sure of it.”

“Thank you for that lovely vote of confidence, my dear,” he replied with a dry smirk. “But, to be honest, I haven’t really tried. I’ve had my mind on...other things.”

Namely, not projecting the thoughts he had involving Erik, bed, and a great deal fewer clothes than either of them typically wore. Charles had never considered himself any manner of prude or blushing virgin until he’d submerged himself as deeply in Erik’s mind as he had. There was, as it turned out, quite a bit of difference between finding someone aesthetically pleasing and actually loving that person. Worlds, in fact. He blushed faintly at the thought.

Besides, between recruiting mutants and trying to think of a plan that would both satisfy Erik’s need for revenge and keep him from flat-out murdering the man (no matter how much part of Charles wanted him dead on Erik’s behalf), Charles hadn’t had much time for anything else.

"Not to mention that even if I did have my eye on someone, I wouldn't have had much time to do anything about it." 

Lies.  Absolute and utter lies.  How many opportunities had he had to try something?  And yet, each and every time he'd either chickened out or talked himself out of it. 

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"Hm," she mused with a soft sigh. "I guess you're right. You've got your hands full with Shaw, and all of us.. I mean, you went from taking care of me, to taking care of several of us. I mean, sure, they're mostly adult enough to think on their own..but it's you that we all run to. It makes me feel bad, really. Even with everything else going on.. you should still be able to relax enough to set your eyes on someone. I know that Moira girl keeps looking at you with stars in her eyes." She grinned.  Of course she had no idea that he was in to Erik. She had no way of knowing. Now, if she were the telepath, she would have likely invaded Charles's mind whether he liked it or not. She was just kind of an obnoxious little sister like that. 

When he said his next words, she pursed her lips. "Having your hands full is one thing, and so is having your  mind on other things, but Charles.. you have time. You  have -plenty- of time." she huffed. "Besides, you don't want to deprive any future prospects of your affection. That would just be selfish and rude of you, Charles Xavier. Shame shame." She grinned. "Now.. If you do set your sights on anyone, you had better tell me. Understood? Even if you're hiding something from me right now, you better 'fess up at some point." See? Obnoxious younger sister. 

[x]

Raven hummed in understanding. “I guess you’re right,” she said with a small sigh. “You’ve got your hands full with Shaw, and all of us. I mean, you went from taking care of me to taking care of several of us. I mean, sure, they’re mostly adult enough to think on their own, but it’s you that we all run to. It makes me feel bad, really.”

Which she shouldn’t, but Charles knew better than to say anything. Raven was rather headstrong; when she got to thinking or feeling a particular way, good luck trying to convince her otherwise.

“Even with everything else going on, you should still be able to relax enough to set your eyes on someone,” Raven continued.

Oh, if only she knew. Charles worried his bottom lip a bit. She was his sister, and surely she wouldn’t fault him for falling hard for another man. Right? Or would she fall in line with society on this one, thinking he’d lost his mind? There was a reason he’d kept mainly to women back in Oxford; it was expected, almost required, and while Charles had truly been attracted to them, whatever it was pulling him to Erik was far stronger than anything else he’d ever felt.

“I know that Moira girl keeps looking at you with stars in her eyes.”

Charles swallowed. He was painfully aware of how Moira regarded him. Normally, he would be flattered and setting about charming her into his bed like any other lovely lady he’d met in his adult life. If it weren’t for Erik, certainly he would be. He needed to figure something out; would Erik be disgusted with him if he said anything? Would he lash out, call him sick, perverted, a freak of nature? Erik was all about accepting one’s mutation, but would homosexuality receive the same response? It was enough to make Charles want to vomit from sheer nerves.

“Having your hands full is one thing,” Raven added, “and so is having your mind on other things, but Charles...you have time. You have plenty of time. Besides, you don’t want to deprive any future prospects of your affection. That would just be selfish and rude of you, Charles Xavier. Shame, shame.”

She grinned, and Charles offered a shaky grin in response. She didn’t know. Couldn’t possibly know. If she knew, what was the likelihood that she’d still be so accepting? So willing to smile at him and tease him?

“Now, if you do set your sights on anyone, you had better tell me. Understood? Even if you’re hiding something from me right now, you better ‘fess up at some point.”

How about the twelfth of never? There were horror stories whispered amongst people who spent their lives trying to reconcile inappropriate feelings with what they were expected to do and become. Such-and-such got locked up in a mental hospital. So-and-so killed herself on her wedding day. Another poor soul was beaten to death when his parents found out. Charles clung to his tea cup like a lifeline. He couldn’t tell her, but she was his sister, so he couldn’t just lie to her, either.

“Well,” Charles said slowly, carefully, trying to word it so that he could leave it ambiguous and still satisfy her. After all, she hadn’t told him who her lover was; why should he tell her? “I will admit...someone has caught my eye. But the timing just doesn’t feel right.”

[Deleted]

Her brow quirked when he finally admitted that there was indeed someone who caught his eye. However, the look on his face when she mentioned Moira stated differently. Who could it have been then if not for her? There were other mutants in the house.. maybe one of those? Or maybe it was just some random person he met. Ah, that would explain it! He was afraid of being in love with someone who wasn't like them because of everything that was happening! But.. who? She was with him most of the time.. this puzzle had her mind twisting in ways that gave her a headache. 

"Charles!" She squealed. "C'mon, tell me! Look," She looked around the room, and when no one was in sight, she placed her tea down and she leaned across the counter so that she was close to him. "Just whisper it if you don't want to say it out loud. You can tell me anything.. you know that." She gave him a warm smile. "Especially when it comes to matters of the heart." She would have sworn that it would be the same the other way around if it wasn't for the fact that Charles knew she was with someone and he wasn't prodding at her about it. "Pretty please?" She gave him that batting eyelash look that she had given him a million times before.  Sometimes it worked..sometimes it didn't.. it was a coin toss. 

[x]

“Charles,” she squealed. “C’mon, tell me! Look,” she made a pointed gesture to show him that they were alone (as though he couldn’t tell himself) before setting her cup down and leaning over the counter. “Just whisper it if you don’t want to say it out loud. You can tell me anything. You know that.”

He did. He should be able to tell Raven that he’d gone against society and fallen hard for another man, but unlike his telepathy or her shape-shifting, homosexuality wasn’t a “groovy mutation.” It was a mental illness, something treated like a crime people seemed to abhor more than homicide. And would she even believe him, considering all the skirt chasing he’d done back in Oxford?

“Especially when it comes to matters of the heart,” Raven added. “Pretty please?”

She battered her eyelashes at him, the look that would have had him let her get away with murder when they were younger. Part of him wanted to tell her, to have someone else shoulder the burden of the secret, but that wasn’t his place. And something like this...if he told Raven and she accidentally let it slip, there could be horrible consequences. His peers would likely be more willing to accept his mutation than they would be to accept that he loved another man.

Charles bit his lip and sighed as he crumbled. He never really could deny Raven anything she asked of him, in the end.

“Raven,” he began, trying to think of a way to word it. Words failed him, and finally he let out a soft, humorless sound. “I’ll tell you mine, if you tell me yours.”

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'I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours.'
Those were the words that rang through her ears. How did she not see that coming? She took a deep breath, stared at him for the longest time, and finally shook her head with a small laugh. He had gotten her! Well.. it was just Charles. And who else could she coo about this whole thing to if not for her brother? Of course she'd spare him the.. details of the matter, obviously. 


"Oh, Charles Xavier." She started to pale so much that she nearly shifted back to her human form for a moment. "Touche.." She took a deep breath and she glanced down at the counter. "Alright, alright. I'll tell you.. but you're not getting out of it that easy. We'll both go. On the count of three. Deal?" Even though he never answered, she still took it as the fact that he would do it. "But..you've gotta promise me that you won't be mad at me. Okay? Okay." Again she answered his question before he even could say that he promised. Why would he be mad? Well, there could have been several reasons.. but she definitely wasn't banking on one of them being that Charles had fallen for him as well. 

"Okay," she breathed and took Charles by the hands. "One.. Two..Three.." And on three, she said the name. "It's Erik!" She made sure to listen carefully to hear what name Charles was about to say - unless he decided not to say a name, therefore completely leaving her vulnerable and ready to pry more information out of him. 

[x]

Raven stared for the longest time, and Charles fought the urge to squirm under the weight of her gaze. His stomach was slowly working itself into knots and surely she could hear his heart thudding loudly against his ribcage; the noise was almost deafening to him. Finally, she took a deep breath and laughed a bit as she shook her head.

“Oh, Charles Xavier,” she said, nearly shifting back into her more ordinary appearance before she caught herself. “Touché.”

She took another deep breath and glanced down at the counter as she relented. “Alright, alright. I’ll tell you, but you’re not getting out of it that easy. We’ll both go. On the count of three. Deal?”

Both of them. At the same time. It was the best he could hope for, given how the conversation had gone, and Charles couldn’t refuse it. He nodded at his agreement, though it was tight enough that she didn’t catch it. On a count of three, he would either still have his sympathetic sister, or he would have alienated her forever. The all-too real possibility that she’d react poorly was enough to make him feel sick.

“But, you’ve gotta promise me that you won’t be mad at me. Okay? Okay.”

Mad? Why on earth would he be mad? Raven had obviously found someone who made her happy, who made her feel loved and confident and beautiful in all the ways Charles never could. He wanted a chance to thank the man in question. Unless...had she fallen for someone of her own gender as well? It couldn’t have been Moira, given how she’d teased him about her. But, then, who? A tentative bit of hope unfurled in his chest, and for a moment, he half hoped her mysterious lover was female.

“Okay,” she breathed, reaching out to take his hands. “One.”

He gripped her hands as tightly as he dared, swallowing as the anxiety swelled within him.

“Two.”

He was sweating far more than he should be, and he worried his bottom lip.

“Three.”

Charles swallowed one last time and uttered the name. “Erik.”

“It’s Erik,” Raven revealed, and Charles paled.

Suddenly, he felt like the wolf from that old story about the seven young goats, like he’d been filled with large stones and left to drown. Raven’s lover was Erik. Erik...Erik was off limits. And Charles had just revealed that he loved Erik. It was devastating, and Charles felt his knees nearly give out on him. He caught himself by his arms on the counter-top, still gripping his sister’s hands.

The stories of heartbreak had lied. It wasn’t pain that consumed him, but an unbearable tightness in his chest and the sensation that his heart had simply stopped beating. His eyes stung slightly, and Charles squeezed his eyes shut to prevent anything from leaking out. He’d never even stood a chance, had he?

[Deleted]

The tension had built up as the countdown came, and suddenly they both revealed their hearts to each other. Erik was the name on both of their lips. Just as Charles paled, so did Raven. A billion things rushed through her mind as she felt Charles's hands tightening a little. No. No it couldn't be. She didn't even care that Charles was in love with another man.. instead, she was angry with herself for taking the first thing that Charles had fallen in love with, and she didn't even mean to do it. "Charles, I..." She started, feeling her eyes stinging. "I had no idea.. If I knew I wouldn't have.. I didn't even know you liked.." What was she trying to say exactly? She didn't really know. "I am so, so sorry." the hiccup in her voice was an indication that tears were about to roll down her cheek. 

"I'll stop," although it would cause her pain, it wouldn't be nearly as much as it would to see the  hurt in Charles' eyes if she continued down the path she was on with Erik. "Just say the word and I'll stop. If I would have had -any- indication, I swear I wouldn't have.. I never ever.." She let go of his hands, ran to the other side of the counter, and she threw her arms around Charles. "Maybe if he had known he wouldn't have been with me. How could someone not love you with everything they have inside of them, Charles Xavier?" She clutched him tightly, fighting back more tears. She couldn't express how horrible she felt. How could she do this to her own brother? "It's his mind.. isn't it?"

[x]

“Charles, I...” Raven paused a moment, and Charles braced himself for what was to come. Rejection, pity, sympathy—he wasn’t sure what he even wanted anymore. “I had no idea. If I knew I wouldn’t have...I didn’t even know you liked...”

No, she didn’t; had things gone differently, she may never have. Especially now that he knew that she and Erik were...Charles swallowed and opened his eyes, drawing a deep breath and forcing back all of his own pain. He obviously wasn’t Erik’s type, then. Erik had gone for Raven, and Charles couldn’t blame him. She was beautiful, brilliant, utterly fantastic and Charles had been so lucky to have her in his life and call her his sister. She deserved happiness. And if that meant Erik, then, Charles would not stand in her way.

“I am so, so sorry,” she apologized, hiccuping a bit as tears pooled in her eyes. Charles felt a spike of panic; he’d never liked seeing Raven cry, especially when he had no clue how to make her feel better. “I’ll stop. Just say the word and I’ll stop. If I would have had any indication, I swear I wouldn’t have...I never ever...”

There was a selfish part of him that wanted to take advantage of that. He immediately squashed it, ashamed that it even existed. Charles was the big brother; it was his job to be willing to make sacrifices for his little sister’s happiness. Even if it meant letting go of the only thing he’d ever dared to let himself fall in love with, then he’d do it. He’d choke down his own pain, his own heartbreak, and smile for her until it hurt. And even then he’d keep smiling. Raven let go of his hands and flung herself around the counter, pulling him into a hug.

“No, Raven, don’t,” he insisted, returning the embrace with as much strength as he dared. “I can’t...it wouldn’t be right of me. He’s made you so very happy and I can’t bear to be the one to take that away from you.” He forced a smile onto his face. It probably wouldn’t fool her one bit, considering how much his eyes were stinging.

“Maybe if he had known he wouldn’t have been with me,” Raven threw in, and Charles couldn’t let himself take hold of that fledgling hope. “How could someone not love you with everything they have inside of them, Charles Xavier?”

Easily, actually. He had a list of people who had either hated him or held him at arm’s length until he’d forced himself to do the same just to keep from getting hurt. Raven had been the only person who had ever seemed at all fond of him; even the maid would only show him a bit of pity before scurrying away to put him out of sight and therefore out of mind. He shoved the memories away; they would only further torment him. No, better to keep control for as long as he could manage.

“It’s his mind, isn’t it?”

His throat constricted and he couldn’t get the words out, so he nodded, resting his head on her shoulder and holding onto her as though she were a lifeline. I went in too deep, too quickly, he projected, hoping she would understand that he couldn’t trust his own voice, that this was the only form of communication that would keep him from utterly falling apart in kitchen. I’d never connected with another mind like that before. I’m so sorry, Raven; I’m so sorry for all of this.

[Deleted]

Raven and Charles had tender brother and sister moments before but this was something completely different. It wasn't something that Raven thought she'd ever have to go through. She always thought that Charles was only attracted to women, and she wondered why. Why hadn't he ever told her before? So, she asked. "Why didn't you tell me before, Charles? Were you afraid that I, of all people wouldn't accept you? Never ever ever think that again." If she had hugged him tighter, she would have probably made his eyes bug out. 

Even though he told her that he didn't want to stop her from being with Erik, she merely shook her head. If she chose to do so, she'd do it in secret with no one else knowing - not even Charles would be able to tell. She'd hide it as much as possible. "I want -you- to be happy, Charles. It's all I've ever wanted..." If only his happiness could be an option. She took a deep breath, and it trembled when she exhaled. She rested his head on his shoulder, and she closed her eyes, listening to his thoughts. She nodded silently. She spoke to him, hoping that she didn't think something horrible. He never loved her like that.. was that why? Because their minds didn't connect? But she couldn't think that. Not right now. Even though it might have slipped in a little.. she tried to keep it hidden from him. "Don't be sorry, Charles. I was blind.. how could I not have been able to tell you connected with his mind? The two of you have a bond though, Charles.. It is special.." It wouldn't help.. but it was true. 

Even though it wasn't the way he wanted it to be, Erik cared about Charles very deeply. And of course, so did Charles. She sighed softly, and she shook her head. "Go figure.. the first time we both fall in love, it's with the same person.. at least we have good taste.." Of course, she had to make some sort of joke to lighten the  mood somehow.. even if there was a lot of truth behind it. "I'm sorry.." 

[x]

"Why didn't you tell me before, Charles?” Raven hugged him as tightly as she dared, and he wasn’t sure what would happen if he tried to do anything else. “Were you afraid that I, of all people, wouldn't accept you? Never, ever, ever think that again."

How could he possibly explain? There had been the occasional flutter of physical attraction to other men back in Oxford, but Charles had always just chalked it up to the appreciation of certain aesthetics and left it at that. He’d certainly never been drawn in so deeply as to consider actually acting on it. But Erik...Erik was different. Something else entirely, and Charles was quite certain it was how deeply he’d had to plunge into Erik’s mind that night in Miami that had something to do with it.

“I want you to be happy, Charles,” she added. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

She drew in a deep breath and released it, as shaky as he felt. They wanted the same things, it seemed—and far more so than they had previously realized—but Raven had one major advantage over him: she was female, and apparently Erik’s type. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Charles bit his bottom lip as he worked to keep his breathing under control.

“Don’t be sorry, Charles.” Oh, but he was. He should’ve fled, should have made up a lie about some random woman he could’ve met while crisscrossing the country with Erik. “I was blind. How could I not have been able to tell you connected with his mind?” Because she was as much a slave to societal norms as he was, and homosexuality was simply not done. It was a perversion, something utterly shameful and disgusting, despite its common occurrence in nature, and she had never been made to consider it. “The two of you have a bond, though, Charles. It is special.”

Raven just sighed and shook her head. “Go figure. The first time we both fall in love, it’s with the same person. At least we have good taste.”

Charles snorted at that. They’d spent too much time together, it seemed; they’d developed the same taste in men. She apologized again, and Charles shook his head in response. He’d regained control of his voice, sure it wouldn’t fail him if he put it to use this time.

“Raven, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m obviously not his type, and even if I were, there are laws against it.”

Even if there was anything between them, it would only end in tears. Better if Raven had her shot at happiness; he could always try again with a more appropriate partner. Moira was a possibility, considering her obvious interest in him and he did find her rather attractive, after all. But...maybe not; her superiors would not be happy with one of their operatives intimately involved with a man who could pluck state secrets straight out of her head with her being none the wiser—not that he’d ever actually do something like that, but a telepath’s word meant very little to a non-psionic.

“Don’t throw away what makes you happy just because of me, Raven, please,” he insisted, pulling back a bit to look her in the eye. “I’ll manage, okay? All I need to be happy is to know that you’re happy.” He offered her the sincerest smile he could. “Though, do promise me you’ll be careful? Now wouldn’t be the most opportune time to be made an uncle.”

[Deleted]

 Raven noticed the way he had snorted at what she had said about the two of them falling in love with the same man. She was glad it broke a little bit of the tension. She was about to burst out in to a sobbing fit if something hadn't given soon. When he explained to her that even if Charles was Erik's type, that there were laws against it. "Charles.." she laughed quietly. "There are laws against everything about who we are. Why should we care about who our lovers are, hm?" 

He moved so that he was looking at her.. making her promise that she would continue to be happy. It was hard, but she still nodded. She would have said something else, something clever perhaps, but Charles beat her to the punch by saying that now wasn't the time for him to be an uncle. She mock gasped, and slapped his shoulder playfully. "I'll be careful. I promise. I'm not going to become a mother any time soon." Then again, that wasn't really a plan for any time in the foreseeable future. There was too much to do.. too many protests that needed to be made. Too many laws that needed to be changed. It wouldn't be right to bring a child in to the world. 

"I love you, Charles." She gently kissed his cheek. "Thank you for sharing this part of you with me." 

[x]

“Charles, there are laws against everything about who we are,” she pointed out with a quiet laugh. “Why should we care about who our lovers are, hm?”

He wanted to protest—there were no laws prohibiting mutations, after all; that was primarily society’s fault and the fact that evolution had decided to take such a drastic leap forward during one of the most politically charged eras in modern human history—but Charles bit back the words. To point such out would likely cause a heated discussion if he wasn’t careful—she’d been spending time around Erik, after all; Lord only knew what she’d picked up in that time. Charles was no longer capable of debate. No, all that he could manage at this point was putting on as pleasant a smile as he could and keeping it there until he could lock himself up for the night and plow through a bottle of his father’s scotch, indulging his self-pity and heartbreak for a bit.

Raven nodded her agreement when he made her promise to be careful, mocking a scandalized gasp and playfully smacking his shoulder. He let out a bit of half-hearted laughter at that; they would be okay, certainly. Raven would be happy, Erik would be happy, and Charles would be happy for them. And one day, he might even be able to do it without fighting back a lump in his throat or the stinging behind his eyes.

“I’ll be careful,” she swore. “I promise. I’m not going to become a mother anytime soon.”

Charles exaggerated a sigh of relief. He’d love any child of Raven’s—after all, she was his sister and he loved her more than words could say—but at the moment, any child of Raven’s would therefore be a child of Erik’s, and Charles wasn’t sure if his heart could take it. It was a moot concern, but intentions and results were often two very different things.

“I love you, Charles,” Raven said, gently kissing his cheek. “Thank you for sharing this part of you with me.”

He swallowed.

“I love you, too, Raven,” he replied, meaning the words more deeply than he ever had before. “Just...take care of him, yeah?”

The stinging was back, and Charles made a considerable effort to ignore the sensation. Raven’s happiness meant far more to him than his own, and if that meant giving up on Erik, then he would do it. People had their hearts broken every day, after all; he couldn’t be any different, could he?

[Deleted]

Although she was trying to be playful so that she could keep seeing that smile on Charles's face, her stomach was tying itself in knots. She would have strangled anyone who'd ever cause him pain, and now.. it was essentially her. She was the one who was breaking his heart, and it was eating her up inside. Raven knew him too well. She knew that the half smile meant that he was trying too hard. She could see it in his eyes that he was suffering. It had been racing through her mind, but she decided at that moment that she wouldn't tell Erik what she had learned that evening, and she certainly wouldn't display their affection in front of Charles. It was obvious they'd keep what they shared a secret anyway - because of everything that was happening - but now it was written in stone that she must never be blatent about it with Charles. That would be horrible. 


When Charles finally spoke, it was to tell her that he loved her, and to take care of him, of course meaning Erik. It made her stomach start to twist again, but still, she nodded. "You know I will." She took a deep breath, and lifted a hand to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. "Wow.. this really escalated quickly.." She cleared her throat and shook her head. "I'll still take care of you, too. Just like you take care of  me."

[x]

“You know I will,” Raven assured, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. “Wow...this really escalated quickly.”

He hummed a bit in agreement as she cleared her throat and shook her head. “I’ll still take care of you, too,” she added. “Just like you take care of me.”

“Of course,” Charles replied, his smile softening into something a bit more genuine.

Raven had always been the one person he could rely on without question. She often seemed to know him better than he knew himself, and he’d always liked to think that he knew her just as well. They were family, had been family ever since she broke into this very kitchen and he’d forced her to slip from his mother’s visage to her own blue form. She’d made enduring Kurt and Cain just a bit easier; she’d made his mother’s distance less painful.

“I am happy for you, Raven,” he added, his tone serious. “I truly am. I wish you both the best.”

Erik had done wonders for Raven’s perception of herself, and Charles was grateful for that. So long as Erik never knew about this conversation, so long as Raven never told anyone about what he’d confided to her, they could pretend like this evening had never happened. And if Raven was merciful, she wouldn’t ever look at him with anything resembling pity for as long as they both lived.

“Just...don’t tell Erik about any of this. Please. I’m not,” he paused for a moment, trying to think of a way to say it without messing anything up. “I’m not...entirely sure how he would react.”

Charles had read about homosexuals in Hitler’s Europe. The only survivors of the concentration camps who had been sent right back to prison. Whatever views Erik had on homosexuality, Charles would admit that he was too much of a coward to test the waters.